Musician devoted to Justice, Creativity, and Courage

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TuesDayNewsDay Vol 2 Issue 4 Feb 12, 2019

TuesDayNewsDay Vol 2 Issue 4 Feb 12, 2019

Quote: To Maggie, “‘Glomp‘ v, to glomp, NOT sexual, it is the action of one person lovingly (and dramatically) attacking another with a hug. A glomp is often predatory and lies somewhere in the grey area between a caring embrace, and a flying leap to tackle someone. Example in real life, “A runs at B as if to bowl her over, but instead picks up B and spins her around while squeezing her tightly.” (Definition of glomp found on Maggie replies… “omg that’s a thing?! I’d flip someone over onto the ground.” (This was the hilarious outburst of the week, perhaps even month. I love Maggie. This is absolutely her worst nightmare. It’s my job to make sure that never happens, else she’ll “catch an assault charge.” PS scrolling through Urban dictionary is an alarming yet informative place to understand modern lingo. Often it’s hella sexist and misogynist but sometimes you find a gem, text it to your friend, and get to laugh for an hour.

Song: “Life Every Voice And Sing” – Feb 12, 1900 this song was first publicly performed! (Zinn Ed Project)

Dedication: Oasis Counseling in Burlington, NC. Seriously, this place has helped me to change my life. Just over a year ago, I started seeing a therapist there and began this journey of self-awareness, healing, and restorative work. I could not be more thankful. As I come up to my 36th birthday on the 20th, I’ve been called to remember how far I’ve come and how grateful I am for every brick in this road. (Yellow brick road, right?)

Dear Humans:

I’m eating leftover grits for lunch. Yummmm. You may wonder why I write this blog/newsletter. I write it for myself mostly, so I can have a mechanism to look back over the last week (or two weeks now and then) to review all that has happened and all that has been accomplished. Often, I forget how much I do… I have berated myself for being lazy or not ______ enough (insert descriptor here). I use this tool to remember everything, gives me a moment to reflect and share all I am proud of, working through, frustrated with and excited about. Last time I went through all the things I had done (that were in my calendar) and I was taken aback by how much two weeks could encompass! While moving, being sick, traveling, and helping Maggie move too. So here goes these last two weeks, in a run-on sentence. (I like those sometimes.)

Blocking one’s schedule, ever heard of that? Well I did that. It’s where you work in small chunks instead of randomly throughout the day. After 8+ years of working from home, I finally got that together, and thankfully so! I actually have time for lunch now! Two therapy appointments the last two weeks have helped me to realize just how *too* much I have on my schedule. Blocking off my time has helped slightly, but according to my values and passions, I have allowed very little time to what I feel the most passionate towards… that’s right. Music. However, to be fair, I have been moving for several weeks and had to travel weekend before last and also I was sick for almost a week. Give a girl a break! 😉 On the 1st, Bruce took me to the airport, my eyes have been doing this crazy thing where they randomly, and without my permission, spasm off to the left and leave me feeling swimmy and it sounds like I’m underwater for several minutes after… It happened twice before the NY trip and I decided that the less I drive, the better. Flying was odd with a stuffed nose and fear of eye spasms, but was successful nonetheless and then I had to drive from Newark to Albany, a 2.5 hour trip on top of it. Thank goodness for Trader Joe’s and chocolate chip cookies. While in New York, I taught at a national training conference and was in charge of about 90 people attending the event. The hotel’s water mane blew up and flooded the foyer, my immobilized boot got wet… and I learned afterward that some of my students were playing a racist card game thinking they were doing the world a favor by making fun of people and being smart asses. Had to nip that in the bud and though I couldn’t do anything about the flooding or hour long alarm that was going off (after midnight), I was content in knowing that very soon I’d be heading home to get in my own bed after it all was over and that 80 kids were going back to their campuses with a lot more training and passion than they’d had before. A CT state Senator and NY Congressman spoke as our keynotes and I was moved by their amazing stories. I also was able to fulfill my one guilty pleasure once a year by going to Forever 21 in Albany and basking in all the nonsense that is teenage style these days. I got a jean jacket for $12. Whooptidoo. 🙂

Arriving home from New York, a new friend picked me up from the airport and I giggled the whole way home, though tired, it is a blessing to be around those of similar humor. This person is definitely that! We laughed til I pee’d. Upon returning to my home, I was relieved and sighed as I hit the proverbial hay. That week, I continued moving, fixing toilets, installing gadgets and hardware to things, caught up with old friends, had hot dogs and visited the new Hospice thrift store in Burlington. What a modern-day wildlife treasury chest-o-stuff! I went to the doctor to see about this eye-spasm thing and soon I’ll be headed to an opthemologist to see what the hell!? Al-Anon was difficult last week, the subject matter was denial and putting up with more than is necessary because we think we can do no better and that we deserve no more. Untrue on both accounts, yet it happens every day to so many people… My roommate and I ate my turkey tacos and went to see the new Ruth Bader Ginsburg movie “On The Basis of Sex”. The movie was good and I am so inspired by her story, but we had our critiques. Christine made a wonderful point that we only got to see how she got through the landmark case that landed her to success, and not how she became a Supreme Court Justice… I tend to agree. I had a first date with the new friend who drove me home from the airport and got to sing jazz in public all in one night, that was wonderful. I met a NFL player who’s traveling the South hoping to help with grassroots organizations doing restorative and social justice work. The Tom Waits cabaret was a repeat success in Durham at a joint called Arcana last week. I think I did a better job at Diamonds and Gold this time than before! I saw a new band at the Station in Carrboro by surprise (trying to see Emily Musolino, but I was too late to catch her set after the Cabaret). Over the weekend, I was grateful to chill slightly while preparing for class yesterday. I taught class last night and realized that my students aren’t reading the material before class. I implored them to work a little harder and come to class having read the chapter ahead of time so I’m not just talking the whole time. Maybe they heard me… CRAAP! 😉 *You’ll get why this is misspelled later*

All in all, things have been nuts, as per usual. Today however, in therapy, I broke down. Last week was an intense session, but I wasn’t as focused in on the issues at hand. This week, I broke in two realizing that I can’t do all that I have on my plate and maintain a healthy brain/heart relationship and heal my ankle. Meditation has been something I’ve been wanting to do but have inadvertently avoided since day one. I want to walk, but I can’t with this ankle injury. When one has the debt I’m saddled with, there’s no choice but to work. I can’t end my work. I can’t end my music. My priorities are beginning to become clear. There are some important things which need to take a back seat if I am to “get my shit together” and really truly heal this ankle, and in time, my mental health. Somehow, I have to put my values and my health first…

#LivingQueryofTheWeek – What are your most important values? How do they inform your work? Relationships? Fun?

Upcoming Shows: This week I play in Star, NC on Valentines with Pete Pawsey! SHOW IN STAR, NC

Playing again with Pete at Steel String in Carrboro on the 17th from 4-6. SHOW AT STEEL STRING

I will have my own all-day show of badassery on Feb 20th, when I turn 36 for once!! YAY!

Confirmed a show with Crystal Bright on the 28th of May at Lucky 32 in Greensboro. More info on that to come.

I am working on a collective undertaking of improving my house concert plans and following up with those who expressed interest in hosting! If you’d like to host an Anita Lorraine house concert, holla!!

LOVE YALL! Thanks for your support 😍

This week in pix (last 2 weeks):

Magz and the Farnsworth!

CRAAP…. do they know the difference? Pepita…. wondering when she’ll be fed… again…Turkey Tacos!!Me in my granddads shirt. What I do when I’m not doing anything… watching Grace and Frankie. About once a week for about 2 hours… that’s all the TV I have time for…

The sun came out and I walked in it barefoot. WTF January? Oh wait, it’s February… my favorite monthTarot cards for February… Someone went downtown… or knows someone who did… The sunset in New York headed back to Newark from Albany on Sunday.The crazy crew from the conference!! Buncha wonky political nerds. I love ’em.LOVE this combo! Do you think of this song when you see this word? I absolutely do. Every time.Thank GOODNESS FOR BATHS.What I’m reading right now. It was recommended by more than three people to me. Thought I would take heed.Funny numbers. Sweet notes.Girls and their thrift store habits.Girls and their outdoor habits.

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TuesDayNewsDay Vol 2. Issue 3 January 29 2019

TuesDayNewsDay Vol 2. Issue 3 January 29 2019

“Our relationships are divine assignments the Spirit creates; a laboratory to teach us…” – First heard this from my new roommate, she credits Marianne Williamson (who also happens to be running for President in 2020) could you imagine a person so eloquent and thoughtful in the Oval Office? President Obama sure was eloquent, but I still have my own critiques of that presidency…

Songs: Pyramids by my friend Adron from Atlanta, GA. Her song has been stuck in my mind for several days now. My favorite line: “If I start to suck somewhat, just remember this, pyramids really exist…”. She’s gorgeous and so amazingly talented.

Let it be Me, by Ray Lamontagne has also been slinking into my heart these days. This song is so beautiful. I’ll listen to this instead of chasing. How about that? 🙂 (My dear friend Ben was working on Ray’s house up in Vermont doing wrought iron work. I miss Ben.)

Thanks to a friend, the song “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from the Little Mermaid has also been rattling around in here for the last few days. It was sung by Pat Carroll – AMAZING VOICE: She looks fun doesn’t she? YES! Pyramids – Adron Let It Be Me – Ray Ocean Octo-Witch Ursula (one of my favorite bad girl characters.)

Dedication: This issue goes out to two very special individuals, two of my oldest friends. Jill Boogie and Paul Kerr. Jill and I have been best friends for years and this I the first year in many many years I was unable to celebrate her birthday with her due to moving and work. Paul and I have been friends for just about as long as Jill and I and his birthday was also this week. Jill and I are both 20s (I was born on February 20th, she on January 20th) and Paul on the 26th. I seem to have a special affinity for Aquarians… you buncha sweethearts. Happy birthday y’all~!

Dear Humans, Boy have the last two weeks been insane. I’ve been moving, helping dear Maggie move and paint her new crib, therapy, teaching and prepping for teaching, shows, focused ankle healing, forgetting to meditate, writing poetry, drinking tons of coffee, Democracy Matters is now in full swing and all my students’ weekly phone calls are set and scheduled, I’ve broken toilets, hearts, myself (clumsiness), and remembered the whole time that I really want to get my shit together! Ha ha! Don’t we all? That should be my query for the week; how do all of you have your shit together? Kidding.

I finally had a second to get my guitar out and sing a few songs a few days ago. It felt so good to put my fingers on the strings… a few songs later, I was remiss in not playing for several weeks. OUCH~! Where are my calluses?? The Tom Waits Cabaret was absolutely the best! Each song had a different flair. There were many singers and bands who were magical!! I saw Curtis Eller play for the first time, woweee he’s like a white, banjo playing Count Basie! (In his style, he feathers the song with notes in appropriate places instead of filling in all the spaces with notes. I really like that kind of style. It gives me peace. Not to disparage all of you electric guitarists out there who ramble on for several minutes while the rest of us are smiling and nodding, smiling and nodding… but I digress.). There is another chance for you to see the Cabaret in Durham at Arcana (it’s downtown, underground, cool little place.)

Had that thing happen where my self-care dropped off while I was busy doing things. I now have a cough and a cold. Also had an episode of hives yesterday! My body is saying, “Grrrrrrrrrl you need to get your shit together and practice your self-love tools!” So in listening to that voice, today I wrote letters, one of my favorite things to do. I am going to New York to the national Democracy Matters conference to teach about 85 students who will be attending about how we plan to get money out of politics and build a more democratic future with the federal HR1 bill, check it out here and sign on man, call your reps and senators! SAVE OUR DEMOCRACY!!

Lastly, I will add that I have several bookies to do house concerts that will be coming up over the next couple of months. I’ll list them here as I confirm with these amazing friends of mine who believe in my voice.

Love you all, thank you for being part of my world. Thank you Sacred Spirit for making me happier than I’ve ever been.



#LivingQueryOfTheWeek – those of you who meditate, how the hell do you do it if you have SERIOUS ADD? Find something else? Walking helps me but I cant cause of this ankle boot. HOW can I find some inner calm… I’m searching.

Last 2 weeks in pictures:

Today’s sunset… breathtaking A poem I found for Maggie – nesting in her new home.A picture I took of our flowers on the kitchen table today.Letters I sent off, that’s not all of ’em…Gonna try this…

Couldn’t agree more…Pepita napping on my arm… Me not being able to nap.Lovely poem in a book a dear friend let me borrow to peruse.Broken toilets. That’s right, more than one…The madness that was my room.A memory from last year. Love that ring.Books I donated to the Social Justice Exchange, books from my studies at Appstate and from SIT Graduate Institute in my Social Justice program. Also just books that I bought to read to understand more about how I can exist in this world being an activated ally and witness to the everyday injustices.Damn right? How many mouths could we feed? A scary hand.Acceptance of what is and what must be.The crew (Radar’s Clowns of Sedation) with DALE singing Time from the Rain Gods album. Holy crap they did an amazing job.

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Two years ago, today is an affirmation, not a goal. I nod my head, I do not shake it in disbelief…

Thanks to Facebook reminders, (sometimes they are a curse, sometimes they are a blessing) a poem/self-pep talk I’d written two years ago, today, popped up on the screen. Two years ago, I’d only just moved back to Saxapahaw from Beech Mountain 3 months prior. I’d been seeing a new therapist for just under a month (Dec 14th is the anniversary of our first meeting, cause I keep up with things like that…) and I was in the midst of having my wisdom teeth removed and learning some wisdom by experience about who to trust and had just begun learning how to listen to my intuition and vertical integrity (trusting myself… I was nowhere near trusting the Sacred Spirit yet). So guess what, today, this reminder has confirmed my morning soul-nourishing work. There are constant reminders from the Universe that I’ve come a long way and am becoming more and more ready to fully embody this Form of Spirit. As I crumbled into openness during this not-too-long-ago time, through EMDR PTSD therapy, eventually joining with Al-Anon, and opening my heart to a few close friends, this passage from two years ago is truly felt. I hope you see this in me, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Anita Moore… (then Anita Kinney)…

‘s turning a corner ~ a path to health and clarity
A non-doldrum roar of cleaning it all the fuck out ~ body and spirit
love and truth.

I have strands of positivity reaching into the future
I am envisioning that enlivened journey of my Self.
The yellow-brick road leads to Anita’ville,
the badass grateful go-getter, with a no-stop’em medidationary attitude of the Now-Tao.
There are lilies on my tongue and roses in my nose,
golden light shining right out of my ass. (Thanks everyone)
Purging and seeing what’s real and what’s not.
Keeping in the check mark those stories I tell myself and refuse to listen to the ones that aren’t true.
No assumptions. No generalizations. Be specific. Be on point. Be loving and trusting and open and true. Be the brave believer and the courageous vulnerable one.
Be clear and focused and heart-of-gold style out there ~ and right here.
Breathing and walking and singing and plotting my own enigmatic Now.

This world needs more love and active voices of the light, in the streets, in the claiming of what we deserve ~ clean water and fresh air to breathe, true voices and something we can believe in: system-change, not puppet change. Seething with light-force, I know I am in the heart of God.

I am in the heart of God. I am in the heart of God.

Image may contain: 1 person, standing
Grateful, supported, loved, confident, safe, driven, dedicated, passionate, resisting injustice!

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TuesDayNewsDay Vol.2, Issue 2, January 15, 2019

TuesDayNewsDay Vol.2, Issue 2 January 15, 2019

Quote: “the first and foremost cause of illness is the loss of faith in the divine.” – Charaka (3rd century BC, Father of Indian Medicine, principle of Ayurveda)

Song: “Red Dust” by James Vincent McMurrow – (not the official video, it’s rather troubling.) I heard this song on SOMA.FM (one of my favorite independent internet radio stations)

Dedication: This week is dedicated to Paul and Kim. They let me live with them for the past 6 months or so and I so greatly appreciate the privilege of getting to stay in Saxapahaw until I found a place. I have way too much stuff and they didn’t make too much fun of me for it. Love them both so much.

Dear Humans, This week was tremendously busy. Moving. Teaching. Lesson planning. Presentation making. Starting back the Spring semester with Democracy Matters. Pulling cards day after day with my new Tarot card deck. There’s so much happening. I couldn’t have moved without the help of some dear and new friends, I so appreciate everyone’s help!

Big things this week: Ankle Doc (planning a MRI to see if I need (want) surgery), HR-1 pro-democracy political actions in the works (getting big money out of politics, establishing public-funding of elections, voter protections, etc), taught my 2nd class at ACC yesterday (it was awesome; three new students, interactive and participating students make the teachers world go round), helped Magz paint her upcoming new home, had a lovely sponsor meeting where I talked about vulnerability and the necessity of it…, hosted a Sunday Supper here at the new crib (many surprising faces arrived and I got to play music with Bruce for the first time in weeks!).

#LivingQueryOfTheWeek: What are your favorite ways to make your home feel good to you? Mine are candles and fresh flowers, cozy and heavy bed sheets and blankets, kitty snuggles, and warm, home-cooked meals.

Upcoming Shows:
January 17th – Singing Diamonds and Gold at a Tom Waits Cabaret show – 9:00pm The Pit Chapel Hill –
February 8th – Arcana – Tom Waits cover show with the Clowns!

This week in pictures:

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TuesDayNewsDay Vol.2 Issue 1 January 8, 2019

TuesDayNewsDay Vol.2 Issue 1 January 8, 2019

Quote: “Intellect and Instinct Unify” -The Vertical Oracle

Song: “I Can’t Go For That” Haul & Oates ~ this song was running through my friend Bruce’s head today as he was helping me move a bookcase into my new digs. Now it’s running through my head. What do you think he can’t go for? She wants his soul? Or something else more sinister? Songs have a way of being layered with symbolism.

Dedication: Naomi Totten was my high school chorus teacher and the reason why I made it to graduation. I went to Cummings High School in Burlington, NC. I loved my school. I couldn’t decide where I fit in because I ran track, smoked cigarettes in the bathroom with the bad kids, I was a cheerleader (on a dare), got straight As in classes and terrible conduct grades, and also had a part-time job at a local Italian mom-n-pop joint called Angelos. I did a fair share of drugs, starting in middle school, mostly weed and mushrooms, a little LSD here and there and then got into some harder stuff in high school, lots of ecstasy and pressed pills. I remember a point where I was so confused about who I was, I took a bunch of diet pills and tried to commit suicide. I laid on the railroad tracks for hours, sick as a dog and praying for the train to come because I couldn’t move. (This newsletter became pretty serious, pretty quickly I realize… but not to worry, it gets better.).

Mrs. Totten was always getting on my case. She was always telling me I could do better. She ALWAYS believed in me, even when I was being a huge pain in the ass. I was chasing after boys and wondering how I could chase after girls and get away with it… Never once could I sit still enough to really pay attention to what was going on in class, except for one class, chorus. I loved chorus. Mrs. Totten was always challenging me and encouraging me to go home and practice. She encouraged me to sing opera pieces and complex soprano solos for our recitals and concerts. We’d practice SOLFEDGE and sometimes she’d let us lead class with it. If it weren’t for chorus, I probably would have hated high school altogether. The pivotal moment happened when she encouraged me to try out for this all-county chorus opportunity. I had to learn a piece by Handel’s Hallelujah and it was NOT easy. When I went to tryouts, I’d never had to sing in front of people in that context and I was extremely nervous, but I sang my part (of a 6 part harmony song) perfectly. We had to wait a few days for the results and when they came in, I was the only girl from my school who’d made it. The crux of this story centers around the fact that this all-county chorus was put together specifically for a trip to Vienna, Austria to sing in several cathedrals, schools, monasteries, and at this international choir convention just prior to Christmas. The furthest I’d traveled at that point in my life was no further North than Williamsburg, VA, no further South than Myrtle Beach, SC, and no further West than Gatlinburg, TN. This trip changed my life in such significant ways, I can’t tell you all of them.

Mrs. Totten and 5 other choir directors from the 5 other schools in our county led the trip. I was the only girl from my school, so I didn’t know anyone else from the other schools. It may surprise you, but I didn’t make very many friends. I didn’t really try to be honest. I was enamored with the streets of Vienna. I wandered off alone every minute I could to check out my surroundings, the stores, the buildings, listening to people speaking different languages… it was magical. That trip changed my life. Suddenly the world was SO much bigger. I’d had to fundraise for months prior to going, I didn’t have $3000 just laying around. It was worth every dime and every second of effort. I wanted to do right by Mrs. Totten on the trip, her approval meant the world to me. I had more respect for her than for anyone else I can remember growing up. It was this trip that changed my perspective so drastically that I started to realize the mistakes I’d been making in my life up to that point. I began to see how detrimental my social lifestyle was to the potential for me to grow into a whole, happy human. With the support of my boyfriend DC at the time and my dear friend CJ, I basically quit doing drugs, applied to college for vocal operatic performance, quit hanging out with all the drug using crowd, and went on to be extremely thankful for music and what it did for me as a person. I thank music and my talents profusely, however, I feel that without the support, love, and encouragement of Mrs. Totten, I’d have faltered into a statistic and that would have been it. I dedicate this issue to her. She’s one of the main reasons for all of my seasons around here. 🙂 ❤ 🙂

Dear Humans,

Welcome back to the TuesDayNewsDay Anita Lorraine newsletter. It’s been several week since I’ve published, life has happened and so it goes on! The holiday season is not my favorite, but I grin’n’bear it as they say. Music has been spare these last several weeks, other than just playing at the Cats Cradle with Emily Musolino and Crystal Bright. That night was amazing and made me very happy. I felt hella privileged to get to share the stage with such amazing humans.

The stars and planets and Sun and Moon have been doing some good work and I had an epiphany of late that I finally believe in something bigger. Something I have always wanted to find and turns out it really was an epiphany. I got chills. I was sitting on my knees in the Moonlight realizing how small yet how big we can be. It was a beautiful night of manifestation as well. I made a decision there will be no more chasing. In relationships, I have done a lion’s share of the chasing and I quit. I quit chasing boys. I quit chasing girls. I quit chasing my loved ones who can’t be committed to that love. Live and let live. Love and let love. Detachment. It works. Since then, manifestation has been the name of the game and it’s turning out moment by moment perfectly, all in hindsight of course. 😉 I pulled a card from my Affirmators! Love and Relationships deck tonight – it says, “I’m a catch.” ~ “I’m a total catch, and I know all the reasons why. I know that anyone would be lucky to be with me, and that doesn’t mean I’m arrogant or snobby… Self-respect is just one of the many qualities exhibited by this complete and utter babe. Way to affirm Universe! So here goes, I’m going to make a list of the things going on:

1. I just taught my first class at Alamance Community College, critical thinking. It was awesome. 2. New Years Eve I got to go to the beach with a dear friend. 3. Xmas I had to see my mother. Awkward and painful. 4. I’m moving into a new house centrally located in my hometown where I get to people watch all day if I want to. 5. I have a new and sacred relationship with Ritual. I find it vital to my health. 6. I’m wearing an ankle brace right now in order to hopefully avoid surgery… old injury, new insurance! 7. 2019 is going to kick ass and suck. Just like every year. ;). 8. I’m singing in a cool show next week. 9. I ruined a perfectly good haircut by getting happy with scissors a few weeks ago… luckily I know some people… 10. Magic happens, I get to go to Bynum for a hike sometime with someone special after I figure out my ankle situation.

#LivingQueryOfTheWeek – What is god for you? Is it goddess? Is it spirit? For me it’s an amalgamation of the little girl inside of me who saved my ass as a child and this all-everything energetic entity that exists in hindsight who/that gives you insight into all the lessons you’ve learned….

Upcoming Shows:

January 17th – (I’ll fill you in where) Singing Diamonds and Gold at a Tom Waits Cabaret show Orange County somewhere…

February 8th – Arcana – Tom Waits cover show with the Clowns!

This week in Pictures…this last MONTH in pictures!

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What’s the Universe Saying? What am I saying?

This Solstice, full Moon, subsequent time lapse post-xmas-pre-new years has been powerful.
Found that I am truly beginning to believe in a power greater than myself. Humbling. Gratifying. Acknowledging solid ground. I cried in the Moonlight pouring with Spiritual gratitude.
Tonight, I offered my anxiety about my family, jobs, places to live, love, and transportation to the Universe. After the most enlightening, moving spread on the 23rd, this is a reminder. Ritual. Time is Passing. Adventure. Shedding the judgement. Embracing my best self. Watch the intentions grow with integrity and fullness. Learning to show up for myself every day.
After I listened to this guided meditation to breathe through a panic attack that came without warning this evening, I realized the amazing synchronicity in the message, and here I share it with you. The narrator is poetic (and wordy). It’s worth a listen.

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December 6: letting go of shame (reflections of the victim)

This excerpt is from the book, The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie:

December 6: Letting Go Of Shame

Many of us were victimized, sometimes more than once. We may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or exploited by the addictions of another.

Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of the abuse belongs to the perpetrator, not the victim.

Even if in recovery we fall prey to being victimized, that is not cause for shame.

The goal of recovery is learning self-care, learning to free ourselves from victimization, and not to blame ourselves for past experiences. The goal is to arm ourselves so we do not continue to be victimized due to the shame and unresolved feelings from the original victimization.

We each have our own work, our issues, our recovery tasks. One of those tasks is to stop pointing your finger at the perpetrator, because it distracts us. Although we hold each person responsible and accountable for his or her behavior, we learn compassion for the perpetrator. We understand that many forces have come to play in that person’s life. At the same time, we do not hold onto shame.

We learn to understand the role we played in our victimization, how we fell into that role and did not rescue ourselves. But that is information to arm us so that it need not happen again.

Let go of victim shame. We have issues and tasks, but our issue is not to feel guilty and wrong because we have been victimized.

Today, I will set myself free from any victim shame I may be harboring or hanging on to.


Split human in thrift store mirror.

What stands out to me when I read this passage is the point about distraction. I was speaking with a dear friend yesterday who asked, “When do you know that you are done healing and now thriving?” I think that they are both simultaneous processes. When I find myself distracted by focusing on things that are out of my control, including perpetrators, that is when I have the opportunity for the most healing and am taking steps towards thriving. I would even argue that they are paradoxical, both simultaneously true.Further, when she said, “we learn to understand the role we played in our victimization, how we fell into that role and did not rescue ourselves. But this is information to arm us so that it does not happen again.” I am always triggered by this sort of statement, since I was two years old when I experienced my first physical abuse, and seven when I experienced my first sexual abuse. How can I recognize how I fell into that role at that age? What role did I play in that particular victimization? All I can say is that as a child, I was operating on pure instinct and developed the self-preservation behaviors then that kept me from being further hurt. Whether those behaviors were dissociation, cutting off my connection to my own emotions and self understanding, or freezing in the moment so as not to draw further attention to myself or be the catalyst for an even more violent attack… whatever that could have been. The role I played was an innocent. I fell into that role by simply existing (and turns out the Divine had something to do with it.) One of the trickiest conundrums with which I have battled is feeling self-compassion, recognizing that I couldn’t have done anything else than what I did. Even more tricky is feeling compassion for the people who committed these acts. Telling myself that they knew no better and were doing the best they could… That’s hard to accept, but easier in the long run than distracting myself with hatred, contempt and subsequently filling myself with shame. Walking this new path isn’t always easy, but it is freeing and each day I am thriving and healing, grateful and filled with joy and peace. That’s good news and something you can’t buy on Black Friday.

*cha ching* 😉

A lovely statement from Instagram the other day.