Of late, I have been focusing on a healing path I never could have expected. The traumatic sexual and neglectful abuse of my past – the love and support of my loving Grandparents, lifelong Mentors, and my amazing Friend Family – the hard lessons of self-actualization I am learning through therapy and sobriety – and the Love and Divine understanding I have so hungrily craved since I was little, are all coming together and after much surrender, prayer, ritual, and release, I have been given an answer. Music.
For all the miracles to have occurred to place me right here, right now, gives me such reverence for Life I cannot explain. Through some lessons I didn’t see coming, and now others I am choosing to seek, my path is evolving into a new sense of self. I am working from a humble place, seeking a light that shines from within me to glow brighter and brighter. I want to work to enlighten other people who have experienced such abuses to feel free to come out and love themselves radically, to courageously face the demons of incest and sexual abuse. I want them to feel safe to seek justice for their pain and to truly feel that they DESERVE it. Music has given me the power to rise above the pain, to embody and employ it, to create such a stir that the pain actually SERVES ME instead of ME SERVING IT. MUSIC DOES THIS. MUSIC HEALS.
I have been given a Gift. One I do not doubt. I have a voice which has been used to chant rallying cries, protest demands, and wail in sorrow and in joy. From this point forward I plan to use this gift and share my voice with the world in a format that I had only dreamed of. For so long I was uncomfortable sharing my gift, afraid to shine and afraid to truly be free of self-built walls. So, without further ado, my announcement is this:
I am going to start pursuing music, writing songs, and make a debut album, putting my heart into all of it, not just a side gig. I’m inviting my muse to stay awhile – whether she does is a Divine insight I cannot predict or claim to know, but I have made the invitation. I have made the decision to make this my passion. Make this my craft. The gift I have been given is more than a hobby and I plan to fine-tune it.
I plan to record a studio album and I have ended my supplemental income (2nd job) in order to make this happen. I’m planning a fundraiser to help me make it through this Summer – to take piano lessons, write songs about this last year (and whatever else comes in!) practice my guitar skills, playing gigs throughout North Carolina, and some other nearby states, collaborating with my nearest and dearest music-makers to create something beautiful – and all this to make me happy and to feel fulfilled. I’m also going to make a zine about the story of my little girl and how she got here – that will be part of the many surprises to come. Stay tuned. Welcome Home Anita.