Dearest Readers – A long time coming, I’m returning to the music scene after a long Covid-inspired hiatus. I hope if you are in the area near any of these that you can come!
First: This Friday @ Hyperion Bar and Lounge, 9-11pm – if you’re into speakeasy underground velvet-laden candle-lit bars with local art and black ceilings, then this is your joint. Facebook event HERE: Anita Lorraine @ Hyperion Bar 7/22
NEXT This Saturday, 12-12:30 I’m playing in Durham at the Pork, Pickles and Peanuts Festival! They had me at Pickles and Pie. Link Here: Anita Lorraine in Durham 7/23 Schedule below:
Dedication: Morgan Siem – I can’t wait for you to meet her. She is a devoted lover of the land and I now live on said “land”. Soon, the little farm will have a name. We’re working up ideas. I love Morgan’s positivity, playfulness, honesty, organization and assertiveness. I love her style and willingness to dream big. I love her cat Aslan. I love the way she is aware of her feelings and helpfully communicates them, leaving no room for wondering or need of assumption. I love her dedication to her own growth, so crucially important and awesome. We have essentially decided to be life-land-mates out here in Snow Camp together. More on that later. Thank you Morgan for saying Yes.
Quote: “I have seen, over and over, the connection between tuning in to what brings aliveness into our systems and being able to access personal, relational and communal power. Conversely, I have seen how denying our full, complex selves – denying our aliveness and our needs as living, sensual beings – increases the chance that we will be at odds with ourselves, our loved ones, our coworkers and our neighbors on this planet.” – Adreinne Marie Brown
Song: Cedar Tree – Ishitani – This is new to me, it’s beautiful piano music. I will soon have a little safe haven in between two big Eastern Red cedars, two American Hollys, a few Sweet Gums and a Hickory. I was searching for a Cedar song and found this. It’s lovely. Enjoy the relaxation. Try not to drool. Youtube Video – Cedar Tree- – Ishitani
Dear Humans, it’s been a minute! Yesterday, my inclination to write reared her head and I am heeding the demand. At this moment, I hear drips from the downspout of my new and temporary living arrangements. There are peepers and crows, squirrels and black walnuts thudding to the ground. I can hear an airplane jettisoning overhead while the sound trails slowly behind. The road is lightly muffled by the trees and distance from where I sit to the road. All around is Life. I’m becoming accustomed to farm time, waking up around 6 or so before the sun rises, “just to watch the day begin” as Kate Wolf said in her timeless song, “Give Yourself To Love”. Moving here in early September, I simultaneously ordered my little shed. IT IS NOW READY and teasing me every day! The Environmental Health dept has to come and inspect, then I am getting a permit from the county. I hope that doesn’t take too long. I’m itching to get started and build a fire in that wood stove. *breathe*
Pepita kitty has had a down-turn in her health since last we spoke. In April, she was diagnosed with polycythemia vera – her red blood cells are overproduced and therefore her blood is too thick, sludge-like, in fact. The options for her are limited to therapeutic phlebotomies, leech (yes real-live leeches) therapy or a chemo drug. I’ve opted for the leeches. Performing the therapy here at the house with live leeches has proven to be a nerve-wracking and seriously anxiety-laden task. Many things are hard at first, this is no different. I’m getting better and I hope that the initial therapies prove to be helpful for her and prevent her from needing chemo drugs. EVERYONE is grossed out by it and I had a helluva time getting a doctor who would order the leeches for me. Now that I have found one, we are working together to help Pepita to live the best life she can. I am adjusting to being a mom to eight leeches. It’s totally weird.
Just like the rest of the world, life has been absolutely insane. I know my life is riddled with privilege and I am grateful for all I have worked for and for all which has been given. To get it all out in a tangible form, I’m going to attempt to fully list the things that have been going on and activities which have been keeping me hella busy (I’m sure this list will not suffice): 1. Pepita’s health and monitoring my grandparent’s health from a safe distance (we eat out a few times a week after I finish teaching during the week). 2. Teaching 3 classes, all different formats – one totally in person, one hybrid online/one day a week of class, and a fully online course – about 56 students worth of grading. 3. Democracy Matters mentoring 15 hours a week via phone calls, emails, zoom and social media outreach/upkeep 4. Moving and prepping for the building of my tiny shed studio 5. figuring out finances for tiny house and Pepita 6. The 2022 Saxy Rooster contest and calendar creation 7. Creating botanical products for my new biz, Resilience Apothecary 8. Short to moderately long bouts of depression, daily anxiety 9. Played a live show in Star, NC (haven’t been playing out at all, that was a very nice return from a long hiatus) 10. Started a podcast about ways one can be resilient through magical and creative means (Resilience Apothecary Podcast) 11. I had to put on hold the album due to Covid. 😦 As soon as it’s possible, I am looking forward to getting back in the studio with Mark and making that record! Surrendering to the Sacred!! (all original songs and so much love and memories) 12. Cooking and keeping myself fed 13. Trying to keep my body healthy and doing better than I used to! 14. Going to Al-Anon and keeping in weekly contact with my sponsor 15. Bi-weekly meetings via Telehealth with my counselor – sometimes I went a few months without it because I would literally forget and then get behind in her scheduling… 16. Found another general practitioner doctor because my insurance no longer covered my doc in Graham, so now I have to go to Mebane. 🙄 17. Kept a garden of tomatoes over the Summer, forgot sometimes and they would fall off the vine! Also grew a garden of herbs and greens, I probably had about 5 salads from the lettuce. I wasn’t a very attentive gardener this summer. 18. Reading tarot cards for people and making new tarot card spreads – I love doing this. 19. Getting rid of stuff. I think my overall belongings weight was lessened by about 200lbs. HAHA.
This list could go on and on, but I tell you, there are a few people who have kept me going during all this. Joseph, my special friend, has been tremendously helpful and supportive and nurturing not only my serious need for help around the house, but also with my occasional need to get the fuck outta town. We’ve had a few adventures over the last year and soon we will get to celebrate our year-long anniversary of me asking him if he’d go camping with me. My sponsor has been a constant contact and friend to hear all the ups and downs – I cherish her greatly. My boss-lady at Alamance Community College. She’s amazing. I can’t list all the ways. Bruce for loving me and checking up on me when he know’s I’m struggling. Andrea for housing me, providing turkey manwiches and doggie walks, and encouraging neighbor get-togethers until I found my direction towards the land upon where I sit. Lee Worthington for inspiring me with every moment she exists. We lost her dear John last year and through witnessing her grieving process, I see how I want to be in the world. Present. Assertive. Emotionally honest and vulnerable. Realistic. Able to ask for help. Able to say no when I can’t. Kind and generous and in awe of the Universe every single moment. She is a real-live she-ro for me. Alison Weiner for giving me a few piano lessons and many moments of stopping to appreciate her in this world. Michelle Dove – for her unending love and care – her letters, her thoughtfulness, her being. Judith Brooks for taking the time to sit still with me and writing a wonderful book from which I will and have learned much already about how to communicate with plants. The post office – our post office woman, Destiny. She’s made it through some of the worst situations the USPS has ever seen, and through it all, she had her ups and downs, but on the days she smiled, she brightened my day. Not to mention she ALWAYS looks beautiful no matter what day it is. Harry Phillips – he makes everything beautiful and it’s an honor to get to live at the same time as him. My students, for loving me and giving me a good reason to get up in the morning. I may not grade their forums in a timely fashion, but I do love them all, even the ones who think I’m the college version of Ms. Frizzle. Unfortunately, at this time, I do NOT have a magic schoolbus. But I will. Mark my words.
I see that this list could go on for weeks. I’m grateful for everyone, all the animals and plants, wind and rain and sun. I’m grateful that it has finally cooled off and Autumn is here in deed, not just in lip-service.
Singing and playing haven’t come to me lately. Yesterday, I was singing a Joni Mitchell tune in the shower. I’ve had “Tell It Like It Is” stuck in my head for a week. I think when I dig myself out of this little, sad hole I’ve dug for myself of late, I’ll have some music to play and share. Until then, it’s birds and chirpers, wind and crows who are providing the music. Also, the occassional, hilarious, totally raw cockadoodlederrrrrrrr….. (not dooo) in the mornings.
I’m glad to write again today. I hope to get back to my podcast soon. I hope to bottle the next few tinctures and flower essences as well. I hope I can breathe again. When I’m worried, I don’t breathe deeply. Yesterday, I tested negative for covid and that was a relief which gave me some oxygen molecules as well. Let’s hope it stays that way!! Everyone, put your masks on, we are not free and clear just yet. No matter who or what is to blame for that, it doesn’t change a damn thing. Be safe out there. I love you all. Wish you could see my view: cardinals and chirping birds eating out of the birdfeeder I hung and filled the other day. Ta Ta for now, maybe I’ll keep this up for a while again. We’ll see! Off to leech the kitty. 🙀😾😽
Hello beautiful people out there. If you’re looking for a fun and fruitful conversation about self-care and how to embody self-care through the tarot, you must listen to this 2nd episode of The Resilience Apothecary Podcast! In this episode, I interview the luminous and lovely Maria Minnis and we discuss how tarot is a mirror, a way for us to look deeply into ourselves to work toward improvement while also having faith and knowing that we are worth it. I hope you enjoy!
When I see things like: If you were born in the US or Canada, you were born with a “winning lottery ticket”, I automatically assume that person is either white, rich and white, or just rich and without realizing their painting with a DAMN broad brush… I came across as site like this today and usually I do not post in “the comments” section – but today, I lost my ability to refrain. The page upon which I landed (Link right below)(I’m always checking out self-help pages and gaining inspiration for my own creative ways of healing old shit) did not fit my bill.
After reading this and most of the comments, becoming more and more uncomfortable and irritated, I felt the urge to write something. I didn’t read anything of the sort in any of the other comments. (Maybe it was stated prior in a comment I scrolled through toward the bottom.) Here’s what I posted (it’s being reviewed right now, I wonder if the moderator will let it be posted? Maybe? Who knows.). All that said, Some may think of my ideas here as a poo-poo on “positive self-transformation” but that brand simply isn’t for me.
It is very important to remember this: even though some have “won the lottery” in the US and Canada, there are those who were born here who did not win any such lottery. Similar to the person from Iran, we do not have freedom of speech to the degree in which everyone believes. We do not have lawmakers who represent the interests of the people, they work for those who pay for their campaigns. We do not have freedom to be Black and feel safe driving in your car. We do not all have the blessing of having what we need to eat, nourishing food in our bellies and for our children. The concept that we have won the lottery (the broad stroke painted here) creates the illusion that it’s all good here, when, for marginalized groups and the poor, the chances of “climbing” outside of your class and out of poverty are slim to none. “4 percent of children from low-income families achieved a college education, compared to 45 percent of children from higher-income families.” – (https://www.newsweek.com/why-rich-stay-rich-and-poor-stay-poor-363611) And , starting on page 10 and on into page 11 – https://www.bostonfed.org/inequality2014/papers/reeves-sawhill.pdf – “Half the black children born into the bottom quintile remain there in adulthood, compared to just one in four whites. Only 3 percent join the top income quintile, implying that a real-life “rags to riches” story is unlikely for black children. Moreover, unlike white children and the population as a whole, black children with middle-class roots are more likely to fall than to rise. Of black children born to parents in the middle income quintile, only 14 percent move upward in the distribution, 37 percent remain 14 middle class, and 69 percent move downward. The equivalent breakdown in the white distribution is 44 percent, 23 percent, and 34 percent, respectively.” https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/10/18/poor-kids-who-do-everything-right-dont-do-better-than-rich-kids-who-do-everything-wrong/
All this is to say, that if we congratulate ourselves, without acknowledging the SYSTEMs of protections for some people vs. others, in terms of the proverbial “lottery ticket”, then we are doing a tremendous disservice to ourselves and an even more tremendous disservice and even HARM to those who do not share those winning tickets – THOSE WHO ARE LIKELY your neighbors. Their circumstances, WHERE THEY WERE BORN was not their choice, are most certainly the fate to which they are bestowed. There are still people eating out of the garbage and women who do not feel safe at work, even in the US and UK – however, it’s more hidden and the disparities are swept under the rug (or a 15 second soundbite on the news) to maintain the idea that the “American Dream” or whatever you call it in Canada, is available to everyone, when clearly it is not.
Tonight, a dear friend shared an inspiring Instagram post about a woman whose scars created hurdles and ultimately a sense of self beyond traditional beauty ideals. I found it to be so touching, I was immediately inspired to create. What came from Spirit was this message — Our inner strengths, our Spirit guidance and our Foundational support can lead us and hold us in times of shame, questioning and self-doubt. Here’s to all of you out there who have visible and invisible scars. I honor you and share this visioning spread to dig deeper into your understanding and embodiment of the beauty that IS you, not just an idea WITHIN your mind.
Bless you all, dear beauties.
So it be.
I posted the maximum word count on Insta. This is the full-deal. It is my hope to share this with for the highest good for all.
1. Your Foundation – This, the most integral part of any structure, holds you steady. You can use the lessons of this card to build your strongest foundation in self-identity and courage to be your own dang self.
2. Inner Strengths – You may or may not be aware of your inner strength. You probably have MANY. This placement holds for you a key. This key opens the door, helps you tap in and gives you insight: Who is that badass living inside you? The one who’s so excited you’ve chosen to rock this boat.
3. Physical Embodiment – Now that you’ve built your base and fortified it with your inner strength(s), it is time for embodiment. This placement gives you the reigns to direct your physical self and begin. Isn’t that always the hardest part? It is time dearie!! It is time to physically give love to what has been neglected. Take that hot bath. Take that long walk. Take that action step that starts you on this path of physically telling your body that you mean business and hold your beautiful head high.
4. Emotional Support – OKAY! You have given your material self some needed gifts, now is time to feel them. This placement will show you how to truly appreciate this journey of bearing your scars with grace and love, gratitude and forgiveness. Every scar you carry is an integral part of who you are at this very moment. Use this card’s energy to direct your feelings toward self-love, not just self-acceptance. Kiss your scars with love! Cradle them in your hands and look at them as the precious gifts they are.
5. Your Burning Desire – What do you want? No, for real, like what do you pine for? What is your heart truly yearning for, now that you feel the love and bear your scars with gratitude? This placement will send you on your way. This card’s energy can guide your toward your first steps or give you the green light needed to go get that thing! This card is your permission to want it and go get it.
6. Mental Focus – You may wonder why this is almost last. There’s a damn reason. How many of us get caught up in our thoughts before we begin and then never begin? How many of us simply can’t see past the self-limiting thoughts in our minds. This spread says eff that. That’s why the mental focus is at the end. You have to feel what you want before you can see it. You have to begin the journey like the fool without thinking, just go. Now that you have gone through the steps and begin, get your head right. Think of those scars. How did you get them? How can they move you toward your burning desire? How can you put the shame away? What do you need to tell yourself to continue to feel that cradling and compassion of your formative experiences, those from which you bear scars? This placement helps you create those mantras and that clarity you seek to maintain your path, to Bear those Scars with a sense of pride and acknowledgement of their integral place in your life, but no longer holding you back from going after your life with fervor.
7. Spirit Guidance – Like the Chakra system, the number Seven invites you to lean into your Spirit guidance, in whatever way you choose. You have laid the ground work and now it is time for faith. Not only faith in yourself, but faith that the Universe has your back. Feel the hand of pure Love at your back. Feel your own hands of pure love cradling you in this journey. Know you are loved and you are not alone. Look in the mirror and say “I love you.”. Say it until you believe it. This card’s energy can give you the power.
Now that my schedule has been set for the semester, I am once again taking new clients for tarot readings and listening/mentoring services! Email email@example.com to book your appointment.
New available clientele slots are hour-long, weekly, bi-weekly, and monthly appointments. You can purchase one appointment at a time or set up a fixed schedule and pay monthly. $75 per reading (45 minutes) and $285 for 4 readings, scheduled according to your needs (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly). ($35 discount for bulk purchasing)
Mondays and Tuesdays 7pm and 8pm. Saturdays 9am and 10am.
I am also now taking appointments to perform weddings, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’re in need of an celebrant to unite you and your partner in love. ALL gender identities and sexual orientations are WELCOME. I specialize in handfastings and non-gender binary rituals.