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Resilience Apothecary Podcast
Pilot Episode!

I recorded the first episode of the podcast today. So excited!
Sharing the medicine cabinet for spirit; sharing tools for self-care, justice, rebellion and recovery through mediums like tarot, art and mental health practices.

hosted by anchor.fm

Honoring Pause from Urgency

Tick…. tock….. tock of the clock, the bells,
chiming along inside my urgency, latency,
where I dwell,
there are old wounds now to dispel.

The bells sing a discernible, yet obscure, song.
Normalcy impossible, so much lost, species extinct and the virus… prolonged.

Breath in the air, humid Summer approaching.
She comes as she’s called, without summons, without speaking.
A tiny creature inside beats a drum without patience,
signaling change, a drip, a salience.

So many irons in so many fires, my hearth is full
The breeze ushers me Westward, a few miles and storms
Lie between this meadow and that one, I feel the pull
Yes, grass is greener where the grey fox runs and wild bees swarm

I carry with me a satchel of mystic notions
The holster of privileged motion
The stowaway, grieving, choosing new potions
What was real is gone with yesterday,
a new truth, hinging on veracious devotion.

Allegiance to soil, the trees, the water
playful smiles, inherited wisdom and daughters
Gathering the flowers like the maker gathers supplies
Honoring the magic of justice, acceptance and thick thighs.

We tread a new path, regeneration, wholesome good
drink in rainwater, carry it, build fires, chop wood.
Uphold your neighbor, sanctity for the distressed.
In this tide, this time, ingress of a woman, to profess

The mighty stars will hold you as the robin sings
the solid ground will lift you as the roots of trees spring
out of the ground, created by time
and bless your soul, as the gathering bells chime.

original photo drawing of a fire goddess with a full belly, a fire head and rounded thighs sitting in a field of grass in the sunshine.

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Alone in my thoughts

without you

The river rose above its banks

as the rain in the night passed by

prints from night animals

and driftwood

still fresh where they lie

I remembered Your enchanting smile

and mountainous heart

distant

memories to me now

The black-capped chickadee and cardinal

as captivating to me

as fire to a cold wanderer

My heart warms with the thought of you

And I move on

Like you did

Like the still raging river

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Some thing is hitting me hard. I can’t even see it. 1000 lightning strikes in my fingertips; 1000 floods in my heart.

Something has been buried, but I never got to go to the funeral. 1000 memories stuffed in synapses in my mind. 1000 miles I would have walked if I’d known I’d get to say goodbye.

Something inside is throbbing, not just the daily aches and pains, remorse and regret, creeping feelings. Thousands of them, swimming, then nothing’s left.

Something needs to be felt, not figured out. 1000 changes, 1000 wind chimes to signal when it changes direction.

Feeling the need to retreat and unplug. Craving more disconnect? Doesn’t seem real.
Praying for my grandparents’ upcoming ordeal, MM is having surgery. She fell and broke her wrist and PP is struggling to be present in his own hard-of-hearing world. I pray for our loved ones who are hurting.
Better days when we could play outside, our dear friend is experiencing cancer and I pray for him and his dear partner.
Up close and questioning…
Covid? Well yeah, it is.

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Wrote a poem list night from a bad dream, inspired by the tower card. It’s kind of a magical, dark fairytale about trauma responses, in our most vulnerable relationships.

They’ll say she’s crazy,
For predicting the truth
That they all, deep down inside
Have the power to drop the other shoe

A whispers trace away
Only unknowns save the day
One can never tell
What moment it was
When she cast her own spell

It is madness
Born of a caged child’s tears
A feared tower built so high
She throws herself from it
Every few years

Each time it gets steeper
The price ever taller
The depth of this child’s fears
The moat grows deeper

What is this curse
of cunning she prays
She was only a girl,
had no choice but to stay

As one man betrayed
Mother looked away
As one man betrayed
Time pierced her Spirit barricade

Now with every tick
Of a clock no one sees
The awaited bomb deafens
Scoured by her company

Darkness lives within
Only the broken can satisfy her brokenness
Calling out, abandoned dogs,
Knowing she will someday free them

She will hold and coddle their egos
until they’ve had their fill
Then they run scared,
after her doubts crack their seals

“Why”, she silently moans,
“Why can I not look away
Why is it only this curse is my lot,
I am a Magnet to the highway.”

Because memory is all you know,
You cannot hold what does not hurt
You cannot know the solid
They feel that you yearn
For deeper seas
For sadder pain
For the rush of fury
For the pouring rain

Step down tonight
Lay down this dream
Carry me home, to the sky, dark Moon,
To my Queen.

My teacher card, the Tower
Language of Letting Go: Melody Beattie

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Head to my Instagram or my music page on FB for the livestream of love! Be there or be somewhere! See you all of a sudden!

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The dawn greeted our hermit

Cool it was

Wind swam through the thorny vines

Dewey shrubs

and tall tree shadow lines

I dreamed of the absentee’s return

The whisper of the path which led to me

The window held my vision

As my eyes drifted

No explanations

Sand crept into my shoes this morning

On my trek away from isolation

In the dark

The Star illuminated

My lessons

Though still dim, they tasted

Of potent potions, salt, fantasy oceans

The chapter I began today

Spoke of caution, beware

Of self-neglect – dear hermit –

Let that light be your guide

Sacred compass

I am the gift to which I bestow

To you my love

Feeding your inner glow

Only when you re-member

Stitch back

The missing pieces

Can affirmations be upheld

Rejoiced, embodied

Love increases and releases

Bless you my sprite,

Rebellious child

I’ll hold you in the dark

The light

And foster you

Wild.

The Hermit Tarot card, number IX – (9) ~Modern Witch Tarot Deck, by Lisa Sterle~