anitalorrainemoore

Musician devoted to Justice, Creativity, and Courage


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A grim fairytale of the Tower, late night poetry

Wrote a poem list night from a bad dream, inspired by the tower card. It’s kind of a magical, dark fairytale about trauma responses, in our most vulnerable relationships.

They’ll say she’s crazy,
For predicting the truth
That they all, deep down inside
Have the power to drop the other shoe

A whispers trace away
Only unknowns save the day
One can never tell
What moment it was
When she cast her own spell

It is madness
Born of a caged child’s tears
A feared tower built so high
She throws herself from it
Every few years

Each time it gets steeper
The price ever taller
The depth of this child’s fears
The moat grows deeper

What is this curse
of cunning she prays
She was only a girl,
had no choice but to stay

As one man betrayed
Mother looked away
As one man betrayed
Time pierced her Spirit barricade

Now with every tick
Of a clock no one sees
The awaited bomb deafens
Scoured by her company

Darkness lives within
Only the broken can satisfy her brokenness
Calling out, abandoned dogs,
Knowing she will someday free them

She will hold and coddle their egos
until they’ve had their fill
Then they run scared,
after her doubts crack their seals

“Why”, she silently moans,
“Why can I not look away
Why is it only this curse is my lot,
I am a Magnet to the highway.”

Because memory is all you know,
You cannot hold what does not hurt
You cannot know the solid
They feel that you yearn
For deeper seas
For sadder pain
For the rush of fury
For the pouring rain

Step down tonight
Lay down this dream
Carry me home, to the sky, dark Moon,
To my Queen.

My teacher card, the Tower
Language of Letting Go: Melody Beattie


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TuesDay NewsDay Vol 3, Issue 8 – July 7, 2020

…the day I decided to marry my Spirituality. What a charm!

Original artwork, Owl and Monarch, Moon and Sun

Dedication: I dedicate this TuesDay NewsDay to Athene, Goddess of Justice. I intend to honor her in shining my light. There is no reason for me to hide it. I have been too concerned with worrying about others’ thoughts and less about how I show up in this world. No longer!! Athene carries upon her shoulder a white owl reflecting her clarity of vision – it can see and hunt in the dark. She was born from Zeus’ head after he tried to prevent her birth by eating her mother, Metis, Goddess of Wisdom. Can’t keep THIS one from shining her light. Nope. Her convictions are birthed from pursuit of truth and the recognition that there must be a battle to uphold truth with logic, diplomacy and creativity. Her weapons as gifts to the likes of Odysseus and Perseus always had to be used with intelligence, foresight and planning. She was chaste. She valued service over personal desire and put principles over passions – the mind has the ability to make choices upon reflection, mastering instincts. Athene blessed and “rendered valuable service to mankind. She taught the art of taming horses, and fostered skills and crafts such as weaving and embroidery. Her activities were concerned not only with useful work, but with artistic creation as well.” She nurtured warriors who protected peace. (Quoted and paraphrased from the Tarot card Justice of the Mythic Tarot, by Juliet Sharman-Burke and Liz Green) I pulled this card today in a “present-time” spread which threw my jaw to the ground and kept it there the whole time.

Quote:

Song: Cakewalk – by Taj Mahal – (One of my favorite songs of all time and reflects how good I feel today. ❤ “Throw your big leg over me mama, I might not feel this good again…” (But I will. Promise)

Dear Humans: Wow. What an insane time to be alive! What a blessing to see all the ruckus going on in this world – the bravery and passion of people standing up in the streets against police brutality and racism. Bigotry of all kinds! Your time is up! Your number has been disconnected! Your mother has just arrived at the party and you’re being pulled out by your ears while drunk on the power you thought you had, but you don’t. Not anymore! It was an illusion! Of course, I know it won’t go down without a fight. The fight is coming. I feel privileged to be part of it.

I feel grateful to be a teacher in these times. I feel honored and blessed to have a voice, a platform, and musical and artful proclivities. Thank you to all of you out there who have gifted me with your love and support (financial and the gifts of your time) through all this. Musicians the world over are having to get creative, even more-so than before, to make ends meet. I’m so glad to have my teaching job (though teachers make pennies compared to the work they do).

This week, as mentioned before, is the beginning of my 30-day yoga challenge. Today is day 5. After I finish writing this, I will be doing my next video. (Yoga By Adriene – look her up on youtube. You’re welcome) I’m so proud of myself. That is not something I have said very much… reflecting on my life. I am exercising healthy boundaries, discerning what feels good and doesn’t, and exploring how to ease into things that feel difficult at first.

Have you ever challenged yourself to do something you’ve felt guilty for NOT doing for years? This time, I wrote down my dedication (see two blog posts back if you want to read it). I deduced WHY this objective and goal is important. In order to show up as the passionate and compassionate singing teacher warrior I know I can be, I have to make sure the vessel in which I occupy is healthy. I have to make sure my Spirit is healthy. I have to re-parent the little kid inside me who is afraid of failing, who is angry at injustice cause she knows how that feels, and who wants to play and make art all the time (she never got to really play and was always older than she should’ve been growing up). Right now, for the first time, there is beginning to be integration between my body, mind, and Spirit. Holy cow. The Tarot spread I had today basically described my current situation to a T. Here’s the story I read from those cards:

I am the young adventurer on a mission with a vision (2 of Wands). The vision is the King of Wands who has mastered the power to manifest vision with creative imagination. I am supported by Athene (Justice card) and need to devote to her my honor – she is the Spirit embodying my self-knowledge. Her chastity gives birth to artistic creativity in service to the greater good and fostering peace with ethical implementation. I know who I am and have the potential to be through her wisdom and devotion to truth and justice. This vision is possibly blocked by choices of the flesh and perceived worldly power over my Spirit. (Lovers card – reversed). I am making choices in real life – at this moment I am choosing Lady Justice – my values are being tested. I have a choice between love or a sacred, creative activity at this time. I believe Love IS my sacred, creative activity now. Every time I make art, seek out truth and teach my students how, and when I work for justice, I am praying a literal prayer of activism and devotion. At this time, I must look carefully at the implications of my choices in the past. Heartache, physical pain and ill heath are old love. Creative Spirit is new love.

I must wait in my romantic relationship realm (The Hanged Man) and make the voluntary sacrifice for my own best interest (to see through to the achievement of this vision). After the Wheel of Fortune’s challenge of fate, I must use the lesson of the Hanged Man, understanding and willingness to put trust in the Unseen – knowing there will be anxieties yet, also knowing it will all be okay. I must marry my Spirit (10 of Cups). This decision augers ongoing emotional contentment and permanence in the realm of the heart. Psyche marries Eros; gives this creature wings to fly. I will withstand any challenge offered by Life. I no longer need to hide my Love. I can let my love light shine. Take heed, (7 of Pentacles reversed) I am making a choice. I can either reject something Divinely inspired or choose security and safety and risk mundane perpetuity. This decision comes to every person who attempts to manifest creative energy. Also take heed, (9 of Cups – reversed) REMEMBER that everything has been done up to now in loyalty to your inner feeling values. This moment is fulfillment of your wish – self-validation, from your commitment to your inner-development. Do not forget how far you have come. This is a reward for your efforts. You may find yourself underwater, but remember and be grateful, you can still breathe, magically, and despite the odds.

At the heart of my journey lies my biggest inner strengths, resilience and positivity through chosen, constructive nostalgia. (6 of Cups) Through turmoil, I have the capability to be at peace with myself. I am cultivating that power at this very moment. From hardship, there are positive, good memories for which to be grateful and from them I gain knowledge of myself. There is stillness and serenity in the lessons of the past and I choose that serenity and stillness, that solemn honoring which sprouts from life’s disappointments and pain. From those experiences, I have the capabilities to move on with resolve and reflection.

Believe in your vision enough to try, these messages say clearly. Firmly grip the fire of imagination and go forth with the hands of Spirit and Love at your back and the temple of Justice upholding you from below.

Present time spread, The Mythic Tarot

This week in pictures:

Focus…. 11:11

Message found on another protest poster. On point.

Protesting safely…

Are you the only one who can resist fascist liars? NOPE! Be a leader!

Pepita’s preferred yoga position… cat

After dancing in circles outside in a downpour and eating blueberries…

Morning joyful walk

Mmmmmm crunchy sunflower butter and bloobz on toast…

Shift in perspective…

Upcoming gigs: Next Tuesday! 8:30 Livestream on Insta and Facebook (my FB anitalorrainemusic page)


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Waxing Moon

Smile I see in the sky

I mirror back

every single time.

 

Never have I looked up and frowned

or wished they’d take that incessant light down.

 

The stars dance all around,

thousands of miles

I sing along inside as they whisper by

each with their own unique styles.

 

As the darkened treetops block my view

little windows branches make, so I can see You.

 

I was born when the Moon was growing

and now she tells me about who I am

when she is dark or even when she’s showing.

 

Her pregnancy of light

this waxing Moon

a reflection of many promises

of birthing, of blooms.

 

 

waxing crescent moon

Photo credit: https://www.moonglow.com/blogs/shoot-for-the-moon-blog/moon-phase-personality-descriptions (I was born on a waxing gibbous moon. Here’s a link to a photo of an art piece I did about the Half-Moon, waxing gibbous: https://anitalorraine.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/screen-shot-2019-05-30-at-12.15.04-pm.png )


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Magnet poetry

Attract and Repel – a course on Magnets and Love

 

The cultivating wind

The invisible, energetic wind of attraction and repellency of excessive leaning in

~

Magnets: the simple, celestial, holy machines, shine light on the infinite, wisdom of our being, 

the truth about yearning

~

Our being is One within forcefields of Rhythm and Grace.

Push two poles into one place?

No matter how positive, how soul-sculpting, perfectly mirroring, or harmonious, 

To mate these charged particles is futile, simply erroneous.

They repel, are driven away, forced to submit 

to the science of magnetism and Her boundless wit

~

I am an eternal butterfly in the lessons of this humbling wind. 

She is stronger than me

and brings me past my knees, 

my aching, hungry lips to the ground in gratitude

for the wind, she blows my spirit ever forward, “Submit woman, your restless, tenacious attitude!”

~

No matter what brightly hot fires burn within, as the flames lick the air indiscriminately, 

the glorious, steeped wind breaks my leaning rigidity.  

Always the wind teaches me to bend, but not too far She said

for the forces of All-Existing-Everything pulls me down and out of the stars instead

~

If I bend, only enough to be lifted, now breathe, adjust

to another who contains the true, attractant pulse

only if within the Vertical realm I am consciously aligned

Will the sacred wind of atoms be satisfied, inclined

To let me have the present moment, to Feel the subtle push

Of my lover standing tall, admiring the butterfly bush

From where I eat, from where I fly

We stand together, guided by the wind, our love, now amply, divinely justified

_

#poetry #drawings #wind #magnets #lessons #kisstheground #grounding #magnetism #gratitude #positivity #wanderingsouls #soullessons #acceptance


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TuesDayNewsDay (‘cept it’s Wednesday!) Vol 2. Issue 9, May 29, 2019

Daaaaaaaaaaaaang it’s been awhile!

Quote: Turns out… I’m not set up for traditional meditation, even the STARS say so. After YEARS of learning about it, researching it, and feeling bad I wouldn’t make time for it, stick to it, and thinking I was failing hard, in therapy this week, we explored why. Turns out… childhood sexual abuse survivors have an especially hard time doing traditional meditation. Oh good, I’m off the hook for quieting the mind… At first I was pissed but another lesson this week: acceptance and celebration of who and where I am in life right now is called for! I can take baby steps toward other types of focusing activities – WALKING once this ankle heals, drawing, song-writing, poetry, arts of all kinds. Good thing I like doing all those things. 🙂 Even the stars are validating of late.
“Thank you Universe, more please.” – http://www.ChristineClifton.com

Song: Eddie Vedder (aka *melt* incarnate) – Better Days https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUYzQ_6xhU4 Lyrics included because they’re perfect.

Dedication: This week is dedicated to all the people in my life who have helped me after this surgery. It was a blow for which I did not plan adequately. Had no idea how painful, tiring and aggravating getting around without the use of one of my feet. Dang. So to you my grandparents, Christine, Bruce, Maggie May… Crystal, Els, Deborah, Michelle for all that food, and all you out there who’ve been so helpful and rad, I send you my greatest thanks and humble gratitude. Asking for what you need is hard af. Allowing yourself to be taken care of.. that’s hard. Learning this lesson is an ongoing process and I’m grateful for that too.

Dear Humans,
Weeeeeellllllll the past several weeks have been nutso! As per my dedication for this year, ankle surgery happened two weeks ago, tomorrow. The summer semester of Critical Thinking has begun and I’m teaching online only. A blessing in disguise since I’m laid up and can’t bear weight on my ankle for several weeks. Last week, singing at the Kraken was a huge honor and has sparked some lovely ideas about how the lead-up to the album release. My Democracy Matters organizing is over for the school year as of the 15th of May. We start back in the Fall when the students return. Saxy Tarot is now up and running! I’ve been reading Tarot for a long time privately, however I’ve been called to make a business out of it to help fund my music career! Feels totally in alignment with this new self-acceptance and my obsession with the occult (astrology, Tarot, Numerology, candles, witchery in general…) I hope that it takes off! Readings will also now be available online. Schedule yours now to support the upcoming album! https://www.schedulicity.com/scheduling/STRFQ6

#LivingQueryoftheWeek – How is your work or career in alignment with your innermost values and desires? I’m beginning to feel the connection by incorporating things I would have been shameful about growing up. Southern Baptists frown upon such things… Thank goodness that’s not the church I go to. Ha.Ha.Ha….

Y’all have a lovely week. I’ll be in bed doing bed yoga so my ass doesn’t stay numb for 23 hours straight… Looking forward to singing and playing out again soon!

Upcoming Shows:

May 28 – 9pm Weekly online song debut series

June 4 – 9pm Weekly online song debut series

June 15 – 7-10 One-Hit Wonders All-Star Show @ The Kraken

June 18 – 9pm Weekly online song debut series

June 25 – 9pm Weekly online song debut series

June 28 – 7-9pm Show at the Eddy Pub w/Bruce Horvath 

June 29 – 8-10 Show at Hyperion Bar/Lounge, Mebane, NC w/Bruce Horvath 

Last few weeks in pictures:

Moooooooon and Twilight
Lessons.
Kitty company and coffee reading in the morning.
A DAMN FINE quote.
Live videos….
Joyridin….
The bed-art-medicine cave
Post-op


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A Sappy Sad Love Song Poem For Cowgirls’ Twangy Guitars

The dock, it washed away in the flood

I thought that you would stay

But these tears are real, rolling down my face

And all I can do is cry.

Invited you in, longer than a dream,

meant so much more to me than to deny

I feel your arms around my sides

and all I can do is cry

I wished on the Moon you’re somewhere safe

And I dreamed I saw your face

You held me tight, said all you never said

I had to turn and walk away

Trains don’t wait, they never say goodbye

this heart in knots and tied

time has made us ghosts tonight

and all I can do is cry

My friends all think you used me dear

A hummingbird, it flies

on to the next sweet blossom near

And all I can do is cry

I awake alone in this bed on the floor

Look out the window to the sky

The bluebird perched knows what’s in store

she knows all I can do is cry

Grandfather calls me his tender-hearted girl

Who falls in love too fast

Moon’s nearly full, She’s on the rise

And all I can do is cry

This Heart it breaks, a heavy stone

It sinks inside my mind

It ripples from where you skipped it dear

And all I can do is cry

I may not see your face again

The one I dreamed of last night

I hope you’re warm in the cold cold night

This morning all I can do is cry

The poor dock seems to have washed away in the night!

Half Moon Rise!

Summer Cowgirl style