Alone in my thoughts
without you
The river rose above its banks
as the rain in the night passed by
prints from night animals
and driftwood
still fresh where they lie
I remembered Your enchanting smile
and mountainous heart
distant
memories to me now
The black-capped chickadee and cardinal
as captivating to me
as fire to a cold wanderer
My heart warms with the thought of you
And I move on
Like you did
Like the still raging river
Wrote a poem list night from a bad dream, inspired by the tower card. It’s kind of a magical, dark fairytale about trauma responses, in our most vulnerable relationships.
They’ll say she’s crazy,
For predicting the truth
That they all, deep down inside
Have the power to drop the other shoe
A whispers trace away
Only unknowns save the day
One can never tell
What moment it was
When she cast her own spell
It is madness
Born of a caged child’s tears
A feared tower built so high
She throws herself from it
Every few years
Each time it gets steeper
The price ever taller
The depth of this child’s fears
The moat grows deeper
What is this curse
of cunning she prays
She was only a girl,
had no choice but to stay
As one man betrayed
Mother looked away
As one man betrayed
Time pierced her Spirit barricade
Now with every tick
Of a clock no one sees
The awaited bomb deafens
Scoured by her company
Darkness lives within
Only the broken can satisfy her brokenness
Calling out, abandoned dogs,
Knowing she will someday free them
She will hold and coddle their egos
until they’ve had their fill
Then they run scared,
after her doubts crack their seals
“Why”, she silently moans,
“Why can I not look away
Why is it only this curse is my lot,
I am a Magnet to the highway.”
Because memory is all you know,
You cannot hold what does not hurt
You cannot know the solid
They feel that you yearn
For deeper seas
For sadder pain
For the rush of fury
For the pouring rain
Step down tonight
Lay down this dream
Carry me home, to the sky, dark Moon,
To my Queen.
Dearest readers,
I thought I knew what busy was before this semester. My time-space continuum has always been up in the sky and often missing some continuity… but dang. I want COVID to be over and for us to be able to come out into the open, around other humans, without the anxiety of “I might die” creeping in the back of our minds. Then I can only look at a screen if I want to, not because I have to and teach in a classroom where my students and I can laugh together.
The world has been in uproar about elections, the environment, racism, bigotry of all kinds, domestic terrorism by right-wing extremists ready to take down the country in their G.I. Joe gear militia nonsense, badass civil rights leaders passing (John Lewis, RBG to name a couple…), and COVID-19. Damn! Guess what!? We are resilient, a hard to kill lot. Ask Mother Earth. LOL *funny, not funny*. Surely, to Her we are worse than roaches, bedbugs and termites combined! Yet, I am of another mind also when it comes to this rollercoaster, rife with ridiculous radical retrogression rigamarole. Part of me believes, in the very moment, that we just ARE. Things just are. We exist and that’s that. This viewpoint is both liberating and beautiful, nihilist and fruitless. Liberating and beautiful because it allows for me to live in the moment and choose to see life as a gift. Nihilist and fruitless because that vision allows me to sink into a hole of despair. Today, I choose liberating and beautiful and quote some advice from Mr. Lipbone Redding. I can recite it to myself in moments of fear and anxiety, “I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.” It is certainly a privileged statement, when I think of families imprisoned in internment camps or nearly perishing in boats escaping war, yet, no matter who you are or what you are experiencing, your perspective is the only thing you have.
Your perspective is your only freedom. Your perspective can save your life and your perspective can kill you. Today, I choose to believe I AM exactly where I am supposed to be – anchoring myself to the moment, with all its imperfections, inherited, unearned privileges, and its beauty. I give thanks for the divine, the souls in this life I’ve encountered, and this life, filled with so many amazing opportunities, every moment, to do better and to choose love over fear or bitterness. Thank you. Thank You. Thank YOU.
I’ve suggested reading the 4 agreements to probably hundreds of people by now. It’s a book that seriously calls out the way our lives can go, however we choose. It’s a life-path to which it is definitely worth subscribing. “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
On to the news and away from my habitual pontificating! Soon, now that school is almost over, I will be going back into my little homemade recording studio and laying down tracks for this album #SurrenderingToTheSacred ~ I’m also going to be releasing a single that invites you to see the world through the eyes of a graveyard. …a lovely, ghostly vision.
Join me on Tuesday evenings for my 8:30pm livestream on either Facebook or Instagram! I love you!
Your grateful friend,
Anita
This week in pictures!
…the day I decided to marry my Spirituality. What a charm!
Dedication: I dedicate this TuesDay NewsDay to Athene, Goddess of Justice. I intend to honor her in shining my light. There is no reason for me to hide it. I have been too concerned with worrying about others’ thoughts and less about how I show up in this world. No longer!! Athene carries upon her shoulder a white owl reflecting her clarity of vision – it can see and hunt in the dark. She was born from Zeus’ head after he tried to prevent her birth by eating her mother, Metis, Goddess of Wisdom. Can’t keep THIS one from shining her light. Nope. Her convictions are birthed from pursuit of truth and the recognition that there must be a battle to uphold truth with logic, diplomacy and creativity. Her weapons as gifts to the likes of Odysseus and Perseus always had to be used with intelligence, foresight and planning. She was chaste. She valued service over personal desire and put principles over passions – the mind has the ability to make choices upon reflection, mastering instincts. Athene blessed and “rendered valuable service to mankind. She taught the art of taming horses, and fostered skills and crafts such as weaving and embroidery. Her activities were concerned not only with useful work, but with artistic creation as well.” She nurtured warriors who protected peace. (Quoted and paraphrased from the Tarot card Justice of the Mythic Tarot, by Juliet Sharman-Burke and Liz Green) I pulled this card today in a “present-time” spread which threw my jaw to the ground and kept it there the whole time.
Quote: 
Song: Cakewalk – by Taj Mahal – (One of my favorite songs of all time and reflects how good I feel today. ❤ “Throw your big leg over me mama, I might not feel this good again…” (But I will. Promise)
Dear Humans: Wow. What an insane time to be alive! What a blessing to see all the ruckus going on in this world – the bravery and passion of people standing up in the streets against police brutality and racism. Bigotry of all kinds! Your time is up! Your number has been disconnected! Your mother has just arrived at the party and you’re being pulled out by your ears while drunk on the power you thought you had, but you don’t. Not anymore! It was an illusion! Of course, I know it won’t go down without a fight. The fight is coming. I feel privileged to be part of it.
I feel grateful to be a teacher in these times. I feel honored and blessed to have a voice, a platform, and musical and artful proclivities. Thank you to all of you out there who have gifted me with your love and support (financial and the gifts of your time) through all this. Musicians the world over are having to get creative, even more-so than before, to make ends meet. I’m so glad to have my teaching job (though teachers make pennies compared to the work they do).
This week, as mentioned before, is the beginning of my 30-day yoga challenge. Today is day 5. After I finish writing this, I will be doing my next video. (Yoga By Adriene – look her up on youtube. You’re welcome) I’m so proud of myself. That is not something I have said very much… reflecting on my life. I am exercising healthy boundaries, discerning what feels good and doesn’t, and exploring how to ease into things that feel difficult at first.
Have you ever challenged yourself to do something you’ve felt guilty for NOT doing for years? This time, I wrote down my dedication (see two blog posts back if you want to read it). I deduced WHY this objective and goal is important. In order to show up as the passionate and compassionate singing teacher warrior I know I can be, I have to make sure the vessel in which I occupy is healthy. I have to make sure my Spirit is healthy. I have to re-parent the little kid inside me who is afraid of failing, who is angry at injustice cause she knows how that feels, and who wants to play and make art all the time (she never got to really play and was always older than she should’ve been growing up). Right now, for the first time, there is beginning to be integration between my body, mind, and Spirit. Holy cow. The Tarot spread I had today basically described my current situation to a T. Here’s the story I read from those cards:
I am the young adventurer on a mission with a vision (2 of Wands). The vision is the King of Wands who has mastered the power to manifest vision with creative imagination. I am supported by Athene (Justice card) and need to devote to her my honor – she is the Spirit embodying my self-knowledge. Her chastity gives birth to artistic creativity in service to the greater good and fostering peace with ethical implementation. I know who I am and have the potential to be through her wisdom and devotion to truth and justice. This vision is possibly blocked by choices of the flesh and perceived worldly power over my Spirit. (Lovers card – reversed). I am making choices in real life – at this moment I am choosing Lady Justice – my values are being tested. I have a choice between love or a sacred, creative activity at this time. I believe Love IS my sacred, creative activity now. Every time I make art, seek out truth and teach my students how, and when I work for justice, I am praying a literal prayer of activism and devotion. At this time, I must look carefully at the implications of my choices in the past. Heartache, physical pain and ill heath are old love. Creative Spirit is new love.
I must wait in my romantic relationship realm (The Hanged Man) and make the voluntary sacrifice for my own best interest (to see through to the achievement of this vision). After the Wheel of Fortune’s challenge of fate, I must use the lesson of the Hanged Man, understanding and willingness to put trust in the Unseen – knowing there will be anxieties yet, also knowing it will all be okay. I must marry my Spirit (10 of Cups). This decision augers ongoing emotional contentment and permanence in the realm of the heart. Psyche marries Eros; gives this creature wings to fly. I will withstand any challenge offered by Life. I no longer need to hide my Love. I can let my love light shine. Take heed, (7 of Pentacles reversed) I am making a choice. I can either reject something Divinely inspired or choose security and safety and risk mundane perpetuity. This decision comes to every person who attempts to manifest creative energy. Also take heed, (9 of Cups – reversed) REMEMBER that everything has been done up to now in loyalty to your inner feeling values. This moment is fulfillment of your wish – self-validation, from your commitment to your inner-development. Do not forget how far you have come. This is a reward for your efforts. You may find yourself underwater, but remember and be grateful, you can still breathe, magically, and despite the odds.
At the heart of my journey lies my biggest inner strengths, resilience and positivity through chosen, constructive nostalgia. (6 of Cups) Through turmoil, I have the capability to be at peace with myself. I am cultivating that power at this very moment. From hardship, there are positive, good memories for which to be grateful and from them I gain knowledge of myself. There is stillness and serenity in the lessons of the past and I choose that serenity and stillness, that solemn honoring which sprouts from life’s disappointments and pain. From those experiences, I have the capabilities to move on with resolve and reflection.
Believe in your vision enough to try, these messages say clearly. Firmly grip the fire of imagination and go forth with the hands of Spirit and Love at your back and the temple of Justice upholding you from below.
This week in pictures:
Upcoming gigs: Next Tuesday! 8:30 Livestream on Insta and Facebook (my FB anitalorrainemusic page)
Head to my Instagram or my music page on FB for the livestream of love! Be there or be somewhere! See you all of a sudden!
The dawn greeted our hermit
Cool it was
Wind swam through the thorny vines
Dewey shrubs
and tall tree shadow lines
I dreamed of the absentee’s return
The whisper of the path which led to me
The window held my vision
As my eyes drifted
No explanations
Sand crept into my shoes this morning
On my trek away from isolation
In the dark
The Star illuminated
My lessons
Though still dim, they tasted
Of potent potions, salt, fantasy oceans
The chapter I began today
Spoke of caution, beware
Of self-neglect – dear hermit –
Let that light be your guide
Sacred compass
I am the gift to which I bestow
To you my love
Feeding your inner glow
Only when you re-member
Stitch back
The missing pieces
Can affirmations be upheld
Rejoiced, embodied
Love increases and releases
Bless you my sprite,
Rebellious child
I’ll hold you in the dark
The light
And foster you
Wild.

anita lorraine moore 