anitalorraine.com

Musician and Activist devoted to Justice, Creativity, and Courage


1 Comment

TuesDayNewsDay Vol. 1, Issue 8 November 27 2018

Prayer I wrote after my therapy appointment on Monday before I went to sleep. 

TuesDayNewsDay Vol.1, Issue 8 November 27th, 2018

 

Quote(s): “How much time are you willing to invest in someone who doesn’t/can’t show up for you when you need them?” Good question.  (This is my therapist asking me this question about people to whom I am often romantically attracted. So many of them are seemingly unavailable in some way, shape, or form.)

Song: Do You Dream – Jonathan Byrd  Pretty funny, I have so many songs of his stuck in my head all the time.  Could be ’cause I get to see him almost weekly down at the Kraken.  It’s a treat; if you live anywhere nearby and you’ve never been, please go and listen, participate, and enjoy the magic. This particular song was written by Matt Fockler – a man, according to Jonathan, would rather not be famous, but he writes breathtaking songs.

Dedication: I dedicate this week’s TuesDayNewsDay to my unending friend and supporter Michelle D.  She is always up in this blog and I love her dearly.  This is the kind of person who I would NEVER doubt I could call if need be.  I look forward to spending some good time with her soon for the holiday season (which I’m not fond of, but I do it for my friends ~ haha).

Dear Humans,  This week I am super excited about getting better! Last week I wasn’t able to write and I’m proud of myself for not feeling obligated to TuesDayNewsDay to the detriment of my health! Many lessons have been learned over the course of the last two weeks.  The lessons involve love and creativity, priorities and appreciation.

LOVE, PRIORITIES ~So, you know one thing I miss about being in a relationship with someone? The snuggling.  (Head out of the gutters you gigglers you!)  These last two weeks have been riddled in pain and sickness.  There’s nothing I would like better than to snuggle with someone in my socks and pajamas, someone to bring me chicken soup and who’d scratch my head as I’m falling asleep.  That said, Pepita and I did just fine. ~ The lessons of this longing is that it is only that, an emotion, a desire, something that I can provide for myself and when the time comes and the Sacred Spirit deems it’s the right time, I’ll get myself some good snugglin’.  I’ve met people who I think I’m attracted to, but I have learned to listen to myself and to discern those questions, “Is this a good idea?” If you have to ask, more than likely you ought to be saying nope REAL quick.  I learned about attraction and priorities.  I’ve made a goal to focus my energy on spending time with people who I KNOW appreciate my company, those with whom I don’t have to guess… In a repeat pattern of constantly performing or even unconsciously scheming for my mothers attention or appreciation, in my attraction of most (not all) people so far, it has been with those whom I recognize energetically as a mirror of that circumstance.  Until I can stop this energetic pattern, I am destined to learn this lesson over and over again.  Detaching with love is something I am learning to do – the concept is good, but difficult in application without some sort of spiritual base in self-love.  That is what I am working on.  Both simultaneously? Other resources if you find your are in love with an addict or have an addict/mental health issue/unknown-unnameable struggle with someone you love:

Understanding Detachment

♥Attracting Healthy Relationships

CREATIVITY, APPRECIATION ~ So you know that moment when you’re “in the zone” or all of a sudden, you’ve got to write something down because it’s coming straight from Source, or the Sacred Spirit?  I have this happen as a songwriter and as a creative person.  If I get a lyric or idea to pop into my head, I have to make sure I at least jot it down and if circumstance allows, I go with it, pick up my guitar and start putting words to music in minutes.  Or while I’m sewing, drawing, painting or organizing space, that’s the zone I’m talking about.  What works for you? That’s what I want to apply to the “difficult” part of my music business, or even more generally, my life business.  The business of my life.  I’m going to Al-Anon weekly, therapy weekly, meeting with my Al-Anon sponsor weekly, playing shows with different amalgamations of bands, mentoring students with Democracy Matters and doing guest speaking, going to as many political involvement meetings/actions as I can, writing this newsletter, walking every day (except when I’ve been sick), and of late, preparing with paperwork etc to start teaching at Alamance Community College   (If you don’t recognize this link, you should most definitely see Bull Durham, the movie, as soon as possible.)  That’s a lot.  Maggie says my schedule gives her anxiety.  Sometimes it does me too, but mostly it feels good to have my income from several different sources and to be prioritizing my mental health for the first time in my life.  Today I had a wonderful workshop with my friend Christine focusing on identifying one’s purpose and tapping into the Sacred Spirit to inform my life decisions.  I’m going to sit with that for a while.

Musically, I have been creative of late.  I have two new songs and exciting plans for several shows coming up.  My two new songs are not diametrically opposed, but they do contradict one another in ways.  “The Butterflies of Love” is about how we feel in the beginning of a crush, when we don’t need to know anything else other than we feel SO good!  “There’s someone who’s been on my mind.  My heart skips a beat every time.  The way I feel for him, it’s plain.  This fire I can barely contain.”  The other, “Skipping Heart Stones” is about how it feels to be ghosted.  That feeling sucks. “Trains don’t wait, they never say goodbye.  This heart in knots and tied.  Time has made us ghosts tonight, and all I can do is cry.”  Skipping Heart Stones is the first song I’ve written on the ukulele in a while.  Many thanks to my late friend Ben Clark for that beautiful instrument gift.  I miss him being in this world.  I’ll record these songs and share them with you all sometime soon!  I’m going to play them at the #NightmareXmasPajamaJam with Crystal Bright and Emily Musolino December 19th.  Come on out.  We’ll be at the Cats Cradle Backroom.  ❤  Our photo shoot was awesome.  Check out the photos from this week for teasers!

Thanksgiving was nice.  I enjoyed spending time with the grandparents, sister and bro-in-law, nieces and nephews.  Eating with my adopted family was lovely also, so much food.  They have the tradition of going around the table and saying for what they are thankful.  Always a teary-eyed tradition.  Then got to go to a chill Saxapahooligan Friendsgiving evening where there was a fire, music, and I was gifted a banjo from our host Michael.  Awesome gift, can’t wait to play it.  I’ll soon be listening to Rhiannon Giddens for some tips!

#LivingQueryOfTheWeek : Do you believe that the Universe or Spirit or God or Goddess or whatever is working on your behalf?     I am challenged by this notion, but I see how it could be beneficial in living life.  (Currently pondering this very concept.  I’ll get back with ya.) 😉

Upcoming Shows:

Fri, November 30th – Anita Lorraine with Bruce Horvath https://tinyurl.com/StoneSoupShow  7:00-9:00pm, Saxapahaw @ #TheEddyPub (This is a benefit for SAFE – please bring canned veggies, 1 pound bags of rice or pinto beans, boxes of macaroni and cheese, any kind of pasta, pasta sauce, hamburger helper, called fruits, canned tuna, non-food stamp items: laundry detergent, dish soap, shampoo,  kleenex, toilet paper, dog and cat food.  ALL tips from this event will also be going to SAFE.  Please come, even if you can only drop in to donate food items, all is appreciated.)

Fri, December 14th – Singing with Radars Clowns of Sedation at the Kraken! Special Guest Will Easter – Last Clown show of the YEAR!

Wed, December 19th – #NightmareXmasPajamaJam – Crystal Bright headlining, Emily Musolino and Anita Lorraine opening! Special guests, Robert Griffin and many many more! PS Im going to sing my favorite xmas song, it rhymes with finch and is about a furry green creature who tortures a whole town obsessed with Christmas.

This week in pictures:

Online workshop with Christine Clifton today!Hilarious meme from Jessica Lanyadoo, one of my favorite astrologers. Thanks to Jill Boogie for that turn on! Me and Pepita snuggling in ALL the pajamas.Stayin’ hydrated in my socks.Photoshoot score – photo by Chad Perry of C Perry Studios!I love hair and makeup.  ❤ so fun.Me n Bruce playing at the Bottle and Can last Thursday.  Photo credit my friend David who came to visit over the weekend.  We ate sushi like a buncha bosses on Saturday night before I was accosted with the sickness. Another great shot courtesy of David.  A drawering from after I read a letter from a dear friend in Alabama.  I’ll be sending this to him in the mail.New book I’m excited about reading.  Also, if you haven’t listened to “Thank U” by Alanis Morrisette lately, I would highly suggest it.  This re-visitation was as per suggestion of Rook at the coffee shop, totally worth every moment. The oldest niece and two nephews.  We trotted about Saxapahaw the day after Thanskgiving.  I refuse to shop, so I get to look after this crew while the fam battles lines to buy stuff. I’d rather hang with these hooligans. Full moon over Saxapahaw.  Happy birthday to my friend Ernest! Such wonderful friends.  Chocolate.  Books.  Soup.  Love.

Remember y’all.  Take care of yourselves in the midst of this world we live in. If you are not whole, you can not help heal the whole world.  ❤ ❤


Leave a comment

Fundraiser Starts Today!! Help me to make my first album!! 🎶💜💓💜🙏💜💓💜🎶

www.gofundme.com/anitalorrainemusic

Poem about the process and #SurrenderingtotheSacred continued from the last episode to catch yall up:

The Mystery Still

They used to call that old white lightning “moonshine” in these hills

How many lips of other those words or family ties it breaks and kills

Strawberry apple pie or dark cherry kinds

But I found a new flavor my fingers and heart longed to find

Paid heed to the unanswered questions I spent too much time tryin to answer

Somewhere down the line I met a spirit and she bade me to release her

She gave me the keys to an old wooden shed

Her hair was long and dark, she was only 3 and her granddad’s hair was red

She came from the deep, A dark despair trail of loneliness

She rows up from the ashes and held me through the hunger and distress

In that shed, she showed me the silver, the copper and the gold

She showed me the jewels inside me, once I thought I couldn’t hold

She said the way it worked was this,

“you fill it up here and it makes a little hiss,

What you put in it is who you’ve been

What comes out that mystery still is your destiny, my friend”

The mystery still, a belly full of unknown

Stands in that shed just waiting to be blown

Open side, all the ingredients are there

You

“You just gotta believe” she said, “in yourself, if you dare”

I’ll show you the way cause you couldn’t even see

No matter how hard you tried, that spirit… What will be will be

“and that’s the magic” she said to me

Of sacred mysteries that come from pain and grief

Do you know her name, down this path you must go

Of surrender and sorrow of joy you can know

This still don’t make moonshine, but the Moonglows here still

Upon deep waters, wet and a tear stained two dollar bill

The birds are all calling and cannot be boxed in

Your dreams are free and aloof just like the wind

Ask for them to come and to you they will find

Their way through the core, the ground, from the mines

The caves you dug a long time ago

We’re dug by the same shovel that now makes you grow

This girl she smiled, as I sat down in awe

Bowed my head in silence, in reverence; I had no flaws

Suddenly I was sacred when I drink from that still

I’d learn the hard way, then she screamed, her voice hard and shrill

“your mantle, your fireside, your magic, I live inside.

You must off and stoke the fire and feed me” she cried

You never are done, don’t think you’ve made it

Each day, remember to keep the right flame lit

Don’t let it go out, else you’ll have to start over

And axe to this still, and your spirit sinks lower

Out of reach, out of time, out of luck, out of rhymes

Just put back on your skates and roll outside all the lines

You’re still is your own,

Every seed you have soon

Weights and yearns for your return

Build another fire to burn

If you still don’t know what this still is about

Think of a soul, longing to get out

As in distill, intoxicate your beautiful self

With the mystery of what is, take it down off the shelf

You open a portal and let spirit in

You release your control over who it is you’ve been

That little girl who showed me the way

She’s a firestarter, pyromaniac it play

She can blow up some shit because she knows no better

But refined… She is genius and shakes her tail feather

The horizon cannot hold her, this child of God and Moore

She put in the time and said Grace for her store

This mystery still she’s found out how to use

Is a vertical prayer, open to gnosis and truth

I’m learning to use it, growing day by day

Excepting my feelings, no judgment, and a loving and kind away

As she hand me the keys and I return to make my shine

She lies back, relaxes and daydreams all the time

I long to filter out what I’ve been told versus what I know

My innermost yearnings, the balance, the flow

The gut, the tingles, the pangs and the blood is still warm

I’ll tell me the truth, like a pouring down storm

It’s like talking to God, From a sacred, me – shaped telephone booth

The mystery still takes me, shapes me, and provides me with the truth


1 Comment

April 16th Poem for the Day

A Penny

A tiny penny is a wish

I am a tiny penny

a dream piece of the stars

a flicker of time

a fleck of dust

a sparkle in a young child’s eyes

a bruise you felt on your knees

a handprint in the sand

a mark on your car

a grain of salt in your teeth

a rush of delight on the first day of Spring

a feeling of regret as the year has passed you by

a line from the panties you just had on

a tiny penny in a fountain

my hand


Leave a comment

Wow and a New Day

As of right now, I feel elated and energized.  A snowstorm is settling into our little mountain, accumulating inches on the banisters and unburned wood stacked outside.   I just got off the phone with my dear best friend up here and she is so glad to hear of the news I am going to share with you!  I live a privileged life, there is no doubt.  I cannot say how much I appreciate everything that surrounds me and is presented into my world.  This morning, I realized a new start can come from unexpected play, grand events without planning.

Things are tasting better, feeling better and looking up.  My health is important and I will soon have some of the implements to see a more healthy me emerge from within the cave I harness.  Soon there will be juicing and more solid exercise.  More love to share.

Today I will do yoga and practice Spanish.  Tomorrow I will do yoga and practice guitar.  Guitar lesson this Thursday, I’ve been practicing a pentatonic scale in E.  Super bluesey.  The day after that I will do yoga and the Brazilian Butt Lift!! 😉 Cause I need it… I started writing a new song and I talked about that last time.  I’m going to work on that too.  Feeling good.


Leave a comment

I wanted to call but…

Today I made plans to wake up at 7am, just like yesterday and go to the gym to administer my exercise healing medicine.  That stuff works wonders, so I’m told.  Yesterday I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked – but yet I was encouraged by others last night (during our weekly, ladies’ ukulele music-making night)  that I’d accomplished a ton and I was being too hard on myself.  I’m not that easily convincable.  I did create an inspirational Collage for Phil Cheney (my sweetheart).  That was something.  See collage on left.

"Inspirational Positive Rememories"

“Inspirational Positive Rememories”

However, today ~ as beautiful as it is outside with the blowing cold rain and grey skies ~ I decided to sleep past my alarm and on into the morning.  Waking around 9, I made a tiny pot of coffee with cream and agave sauce (it’s delicious), brought in the clothes that were on the line getting rained on, and came back upstairs to my peaceful little room to start working for the day.  Couldn’t get my executive director on the phone, so now I am putting my thoughts into a journal for only a handful of people to explore.

Today will be different because today is not yesterday and it is still very far from tomorrow.  I was wondering this morning what would happen if it was raining all the time and the sun decided never to come out again.  It would be a miserable thing, I tell you, just miserable. I love rainy days, rain, and clouds, and wetness, yet as a human, my inner workings basque in the rays of the sun and they cheer me to the point of singing.  Just the other day I woke up and started singing because the yummy sunlight was pouring in thorough the morning windows and it warmed my soul (if you believe in that sort of thing).

Onward into today.. Coffee, a candle, and a new arrangement of folk art on my walls (check out the next photo.  That’s by Grace Kelly Laster, an amazing travelling artist who graces my walls with beautiful images of feminine,  avian, and celestial images).

Owl Lady Painting in my Room

Owl Lady Painting in my Room

I received this painting from Phil on my birthday unexpectedly, such a lovely surprise.  I’ve filled my world with art and creations from the spirit because it seems to enliven my own.  I enjoy creating art and being an artist.  Singing and playing instruments, playing music with other people, painting on a surface, and appreciating the art that is the nature all around me.  Art by the Universe.  Art of energy.  Art of the seasons.  Poetry of the wind and songs of the ocean.  The theater of the dancing fire within.