The room is filled with restaurant sounds; the cutlery is clicking on plates and bowls. Autumn Leaves is coming from the trombone, piano, upright bass and drums. How lovely.
Dedication: Today is dedicated not to a person, but to the priceless concept of forgiveness. Without it, we remain cold and buried in our own asses. With it, we become softer and compassionate toward and acknowledging of others’ simultaneous struggles in this world. Thank you forgiveness. Thank you to those of us who forgive easily. Thank you to those of us who know we need to work on it. …and bless you to those of us who struggle with forgiveness.
Quote: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain
Song: This song reminds me of riding in the backseat of my grandparents’ car on one of our thousands of Sunday drives, as we meandered in and around rural North Carolina, listening to classic country music, the “Country Gold” cassette tape set.
It has been a few weeks since an official newsletter and if you watch my weekly video series, you can find out why. So much has happened since the end of 2019! It was a roller-coaster of a year! As I was answering a journal prompt about last year during my morning writing, it became clear that 2019 was packed with physical, emotional, intellectual challenges and feats. I had major ankle surgery and was laid up in bed for 12 weeks. My new job teaching started in January last year, the whole year of creating curriculum and learning how to teach adults in real life was demanding and in all honesty, I didn’t enjoy it. (Thankfully this year, I feel a bit different and am excited about the prospect of continuing. That surprised me.) Many things were left behind: some relationships, my lack of boundaries and fear of others’ judgments. Surely, the latter two of the three aforementioned castaways will crop up from time to time in cyclical lessons, yes. However, each time growth will emerge and lessons will help to create a better human up in here. We learned why my digestive system was torn apart for years (of course stress will hurt anyone’s stomach) – I’m allergic to beef and beef products, gluten and other hooved animals! We also learned that I have an insane amount of allergies! WTF?! Glad to know more about myself now, so I can take care. I plan to heal and end the allergies and grow back the cartilage which was damaged in my ankle surgery; I know these things can be done.
A part of my childhood was left behind as well. The child within who operated out of fear and scarcity has become known to me. I have a serious desire to feel security and my motivations in attempt to obtain that security were unmasked. I no longer feel the need to look to others (my grandparents specifically) to provide the shelter and protection, something I desperately once needed and am eternally grateful. Adios 2019! Enter stage left and right the new decade with a new abode, new music, new understandings, and new relationships (with others and with myself.).
The album is trudging along. It is a struggle to make time when I am working two jobs. Rest assured, it will be finished sometime soon! I was thinking by the end of January… but I truly don’t know right now. Still aiming for late June for the party. If it happens, wonderful. If it doesn’t, that’ll be fine too.
happy new year y’all, may you find peace and for those under fire, you are in my prayers
Upcoming Shows: Sunday, High Point 2pm-5pm https://facebook.com/events/s/eliqqn-ii-portraits-of-gavin-g/2306691406283389/?ti=icl
Next week, Friday, January 24th – I’ll be playing with Tim Smith at Special Treats on Weaver Dairy Rd in Carrboro! 6-10pm! Come out and get some candy! Ear candy too!
Lately in pictures:
“Darlene” (link to FB video here)~ last (15th) song on my upcoming album: #SurrenderingToTheSacred ~ This one is the most difficult to sing, but necessary for my growth and for this album to be complete. I thank my grandparents for being my safety when there was none elsewhere. I thank my sister for her brave soul. I thank the Sacred Spirit within me for shining when nothing else was lit.
Please consider donating to my album, 5% of all donations go to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country.)
To donate, visit:
Thank you ALL for your support of this music, it means the world to me.
$40 = 1 hour in the studio! $5 = gas back and forth to the studio! It all helps!
Tonight’s song is the 11th on the upcoming album #SurrenderingToTheSacred and it’s entitled, “Sweeter Than Falling” w/Tim Smith on the piano! Here’s the video link: https://www.facebook.com/anitalorrainemusic/videos/429157767941145/
If you like what you hear, please consider donating!
Thank you ALL for your support of this music, it means the world to me.
Poem about the process and #SurrenderingtotheSacred continued from the last episode to catch yall up:
The Mystery Still
They used to call that old white lightning “moonshine” in these hills
How many lips of other those words or family ties it breaks and kills
Strawberry apple pie or dark cherry kinds
But I found a new flavor my fingers and heart longed to find
Paid heed to the unanswered questions I spent too much time tryin to answer
Somewhere down the line I met a spirit and she bade me to release her
She gave me the keys to an old wooden shed
Her hair was long and dark, she was only 3 and her granddad’s hair was red
She came from the deep, A dark despair trail of loneliness
She rows up from the ashes and held me through the hunger and distress
In that shed, she showed me the silver, the copper and the gold
She showed me the jewels inside me, once I thought I couldn’t hold
She said the way it worked was this,
“you fill it up here and it makes a little hiss,
What you put in it is who you’ve been
What comes out that mystery still is your destiny, my friend”
The mystery still, a belly full of unknown
Stands in that shed just waiting to be blown
Open side, all the ingredients are there
“You just gotta believe” she said, “in yourself, if you dare”
I’ll show you the way cause you couldn’t even see
No matter how hard you tried, that spirit… What will be will be
“and that’s the magic” she said to me
Of sacred mysteries that come from pain and grief
Do you know her name, down this path you must go
Of surrender and sorrow of joy you can know
This still don’t make moonshine, but the Moonglows here still
Upon deep waters, wet and a tear stained two dollar bill
The birds are all calling and cannot be boxed in
Your dreams are free and aloof just like the wind
Ask for them to come and to you they will find
Their way through the core, the ground, from the mines
The caves you dug a long time ago
We’re dug by the same shovel that now makes you grow
This girl she smiled, as I sat down in awe
Bowed my head in silence, in reverence; I had no flaws
Suddenly I was sacred when I drink from that still
I’d learn the hard way, then she screamed, her voice hard and shrill
“your mantle, your fireside, your magic, I live inside.
You must off and stoke the fire and feed me” she cried
You never are done, don’t think you’ve made it
Each day, remember to keep the right flame lit
Don’t let it go out, else you’ll have to start over
And axe to this still, and your spirit sinks lower
Out of reach, out of time, out of luck, out of rhymes
Just put back on your skates and roll outside all the lines
You’re still is your own,
Every seed you have soon
Weights and yearns for your return
Build another fire to burn
If you still don’t know what this still is about
Think of a soul, longing to get out
As in distill, intoxicate your beautiful self
With the mystery of what is, take it down off the shelf
You open a portal and let spirit in
You release your control over who it is you’ve been
That little girl who showed me the way
She’s a firestarter, pyromaniac it play
She can blow up some shit because she knows no better
But refined… She is genius and shakes her tail feather
The horizon cannot hold her, this child of God and Moore
She put in the time and said Grace for her store
This mystery still she’s found out how to use
Is a vertical prayer, open to gnosis and truth
I’m learning to use it, growing day by day
Excepting my feelings, no judgment, and a loving and kind away
As she hand me the keys and I return to make my shine
She lies back, relaxes and daydreams all the time
I long to filter out what I’ve been told versus what I know
My innermost yearnings, the balance, the flow
The gut, the tingles, the pangs and the blood is still warm
I’ll tell me the truth, like a pouring down storm
It’s like talking to God, From a sacred, me – shaped telephone booth
The mystery still takes me, shapes me, and provides me with the truth