(I found this poem in my notes. It was dated 3/17/2013. This was the turning point in my thesis when I finally realized I was on the wrong path and I turned things around. So glad I did, else I may not be sitting here preparing to present my thesis tomorrow morning, in a completely different direction. How serendipitous that I ran across this poem tonight.)
“Music is like you touch the pulse of the world. Music is always happening, and sometimes you get to touch it for a while, and when you do you know that everything’s connected to everything else.” ― Kim Edwards, The Memory Keeper’s Daughter
Also, hear this song by Heather Maloney, about the Muse and how she only lets herself be seen every 50 lines…
“all my cells are spirit soldiers waiting in formation,
all my cells are spirit soldiers waiting in formation
waiting for your order
waiting for your sign
waiting for your message
waiting in line…”
That truly is how it feels. I am eager to feel the lingering touch of inspiration and dipping my feet into tannic waters.
Green River Dam – I’ll be swimming here in a week or so… ReUnited.
Today is mother’s day and what a beautiful day it has been, albeit I’m smelling it through half of my swollen, stuffy nose. I woke up this morning very early to have a cup of coffee with my dear friend Bruce on his way to work. He was worried that the coffee shops wouldn’t be open because of the holiday and I assured him that my coffee shop was never closed, unless I’m not home. So at 7:30 I put on the electric kettle, ground up the beans and less than 10 minutes later, we were chumming on the front porch, sipping coffee and watching the sun rise. That’away to start a good day. Especially if afterwards you get to go back to sleep.
Now you people may not know this, but I do enjoy sleeping in, although it IS a very rare occurrence. I so enjoy the mornings for their crisp coolness and the ability to garden in the shade, while the grass still has dew on it’s tips. But today I went back to bed. Yesterday morning I was sick as a dog, running a fever and doing everything I knew to do to kick that fever out the door. I made chicken soup with garlic and sriracha, ate raw garlic, made detox tea with fresh ginger and lemon, and took one of the hottest baths I’ve ever had in my life. Then I dressed all up in wool and covered up with two blankets and laid on the couch for several hours in a sweaty mess. All this because I had to be at work at 4, and waitressing is not easy when you feel unwell. So I did break the fever, but I never kicked the stuffy-head-pressure-pain that was the remnant of that nasty little bug. I waited tables anyhow, because dough is hard to turn down when all you do is make music and since my school-year rabble-rouser position is over until the Fall, I need the cash for rent! Two good things happened though, actually more than two, but I’ll keep them to a minimum… First, there was a beautiful thunderstorm which came through, blowing the trees like seaweed on the ocean floor. I didn’t have to water the garden last night. 🙂
Number two, and unfortunately/fortunately the Saturdays in Saxapahaw were cancelled. This meant that we were SUPER busy and I met some delightful people. Despite feeling bad, I got to feel sideways rain on my face and I was happy. So there are two good things.
After closing last night at the Eddy, watching my friends stumble away into the night, I went home and straight to bed, slept in this morning, awoke and proceeded to go have lunch with my Maw Maw and Paw Paw for mother’s day. It was good to see them, but I still felt like poop. I told her I loved her and she smiled, that’s all that matters. When I came home, feeling rather weary, I went back to sleep for a little nap. How about feeling useless….. and how….
When I got up from my nap though, I felt a little more peppy, had supper at the Eddy (’cause why wouldn’t I want to eat there if I closed last night there too?) came home and planted all the rest of my babies into the ground. All the garlic, all the onions, collards, kale, and cabbages. The tomatoes, I amended their soil with some organic food. They were looking rather flimsy. I hope they come back soon. This garden is so much bigger and more full of food than last year. I may not be able to walk around in there in the height of the season. ~big smile~
So at last I watered everything thoroughly and came inside to eat the last of this delicious spicy carrot soup I made and that’s what inspired this update. So many things in mind, my dear friend Bill’s memorial was on Saturday. I hope he is flying around laughing at all of us for crying over his death. My grandmother is now walking faster than me – it’s been a long couple of years of recovery, but she’s 50 pounds lighter and has a smile on her heart. I’m almost finished with my thesis, something I never saw the end of in the middle of the Winter this year. I am loving. So many things and so many people. Feeling very good about the summer. It will be fruitful and musical, I plan on incorporating some magic up in the mix. Life and birth, death and re-birth. All around us.
Very much looking forward to the upcoming weeks. Reunions with loved ones and culminations of my several year effort to finish this masters degree. Also, I have a show with Tom Woodbury
Tom Woodbury, my dear dear musical partner, trying to look like he doesn’t know what’s happening.
(my favorite yankee) on Thursday 5/29 at Flat Street in Brattleboro, VT. IF you made it this far in my words, congratulations. I invite you to join me in Vermont and sing along. Love.
Out the window, it is a night filled with sound. Frogs in the ditch across the street, cars passing by, distant dogs barking. The Frogs and the Dogs definitely complement each other as if to say, “Hey, I hear you. Also, our names rhyme. So there.”
It is a cool, breezy night here just after the sun has set and the sky has become dark. I am comforted by the glowing orb who keeps me company when company isn’t around. Feels like the Moon follows me around. When there’s a cycle beginning and ending, I always, no matter what, smile so big when I first catch a glimpse of the Moon coming back from being in the Shadow of the Earth. Tonight she is full and glows brightly above the treetops, creating a dim silhouette of pines and the spine of the Sweet Gum in out front yard.
Today was a day to put on the books – though it started yesterday (as per usual) to be accurate. I’ve been taking one on one Spanish lessons from a friend in Saxapahaw. Yesterday was the first day we began really diving into the meaty and juicy bits of the patterns and formulas of the language. After the lesson I felt like I’d learned something significant, or was at least finally on my way. After spilling primer all over myself for my latest project, the 1st community announcement chalk board, I really needed to get out of the house… Thankfully, there was a dance party at the Haw River Ballroom for free, hosted by my friend Milo who is moving away to learn to be a beekeeper. I wish them luck and will be happy for their return. The dance party, however was amazing and I enjoyed teaching my friend Brian how to hula-hoop. I’ve been exercising lately, so I can fit into a Chinese tea dress in May, and this week I’d gotten off my regular workout habit (giving in to the snooze button…). This dance was EXACTLY the lift I needed in order to get back on board. I also bought a bike… and I’m stoked. Pun intended. So I danced the night away, shook my groove thing (as it had not been shaken since New Years Eve and what a glorious night/morning that was in the heart of Blues country with my sweetheart…) and proceeded to go to bed promptly after returning home.
This morning I awoke to a phone call from the Sparrows saying that it’s time to go clean up the river. This wasn’t a surprise to me, I’d only forgotten that it was Saturday morning. Nonetheless, I hopped out of bed, put on my mud boots, and proceeded to clean 4 bags of trash out of the Haw River and surrounding islands, banks, and beaches. There were about 20 of us this morning and what a crew it was. Very fulfilling personally and also create a sense of community that I’d been eager to get ahold of again now that Spring is on her way into the house. After our river cleaning, we had lunch at the Eddy Pub and I went home to work in the garden.
This year, I’m doing a layered garden. In the fall I put down newspaper and about 15 bags of leaves from Paw Paw’s yard. Soon I’ll be putting down a layer of compost from my neighbors huge compost pile and on Wednesday, there’s a load of soil/compost mix I’m having delivered to the garden. Tilling the soil last year proved to be extremely difficult and that red clay soil won’t let me grow all the things I want. Like carrots. Anyhoooo, I drove stakes into the ground around my double layered beams and I’m excited to start this year. SO looking forward to a homegrown salad. Pickles. Beans. Tomatoes. Beets. Radishes….. the list goes on and on. Gardening truly makes me happy. The learning, the work, the time, the soil under my fingernails and in my hair… that list goes on and on too. I’ll shoot some photos and share as time goes by.
Lastly, I went to a community public forum meeting today and soon there’ll be a Saxapahaw Village Council. This group is intended to be a civic listening entity for the community and an official representative body to be proactive interactors with the county and other governing bodies. I’m glad to be a part of it. More later.
So enough with the procrastinating, I’m going to write more on my thesis now, but I needed to start typing and get the flow going before anything of use or gravity could come out of me for my paper. Thanks for listening to my day. I’ve enjoyed it so far. I hope to get at least 5-7 more pages done tonight, then a well-deserved phone date with Peter. I very much look forward to his voice and his giggle. He is in Colorado spending time with his father who has alzheimer’s, but is having good days despite a projection of soon exiting this world. I am keeping them all (Peter, his father, and brother) in my thoughts. Wish me luck with this paper now. I turned down running naked with a tiara on in order to type some pages tonight. It BETTER be fruitful, else I totally screwed myself over.
When I started at SIT, I had no idea that Policy Advocacy would be the direction of my path. I was raised not to speak about politics or religion over the dinner table. My family would talk about politics very little and what I knew about it, I didn’t want to know. Never big on being informed about what was going on around me, there was no incentive for me to be inquisitive about politics. I watched “I’m Just a Bill”. I read my social studies books. Schoolhouse Rock taught me all I needed to know about politics and from the way people talked about the rest of the government and lawyers and elections and presidents, I knew that I wanted nothing to do with it because it had nothing to do with me, and it was all negative. I could cry right now thinking about the fact that millions and millions of people in this country feel that same way and are convinced that their problems are their own, they created them, they can’t fix them, and therefore “that’s life”. I grew up in an sexually abusive, neglectful household. I lived in a car as a toddler and I learned what hunger feels like. I denounced the existence of God at the age of seven, all because I was alone. There wasn’t anyone out there who was working on my team. By the grace of something in the Universe however, I was saved from falling into the traps of poverty and depression by Earle and Juanita Moore, my maternal grandparents. They lifted me up and treated me with respect and love – the most important aspect of any political work. They encouraged me to do my best and eventually, that’s how I ended up thriving in this world. They wouldn’t allow me to be any less than they knew I could be and they taught me that I was strong, didn’t need to take any junk from anyone, and that my voice mattered. I made mostly A’s in school (excluding conduct grades of course) and excelled in music and vocal performance. I got a job working in a local Italian restaurant. Finally I had something to live for that wasn’t rebellion against abuse. I have a life and immeasurable gratitude for it. That’s the most abridged version of my life I’ve ever written, but it must be included in order to comprehend why I am on this path, this road of activism, confronting powerful and damaging forces and speaking out against injustice. I was alone and someone spoke up for me. I was helpless to a systemic system of callousness and abuse. My world was small until I was shown that the world had love. All of a sudden, because someone was MY advocate, I could then, in turn, be my own. I owe my grandparents indefinitely for the passions of my work, they are the reasons I exist at all. Through their support, I began to have the courage to open my heart to listen to others, to accept criticism and failures, to be able to hear words of encouragement and listen to my heart. And along the way, I have been blessed to have important mentors and friends who support me and guide me along as long as I am able.
Coming to grad school at SIT Gradate Institute, I thought that I would be studying social justice, go into the Peace Corps, and be able to give back what I owed to those who altered the course of my life. I thought I could “go out and change the world”. Turns out, my backyard was the place that needed fixing. I realized that the work I needed to do was to go back home and advocate for the people who grew up poor and marginalized, advocate for myself. Our world is run by a system of exploitation, riddled with contradiction after contradiction; capitalism rippling out from the center of it all, touching every life on this planet. The issue of accumulation of wealth creating the need for markets and hijacking any sense of community once everything becomes a commodity doesn’t sit well with me. It’s like being abused by an invisible hand, something is not right – there is so much needless suffering and it could start to end. My work to get big money out of elections stems with Democracy Matters and a whole coalition of other activist organizations, comes from this unsettling realization of how our world works. If we must have this overarching, conscious-less system, we have to start somewhere in order to change it for the good of everyone and for the continued existence of Us on this planet. I think starting with who represents us and how they get into power is the crux of that solution.
Helen Keller said, “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” My life is intrinsically connected to everyone else’s. My fate is your fate. My pain is your pain. Your journey is mine. If you are experiencing injustice and harm, I am too. This is what drives my policy advocacy work. A love of humanity as love of self. There can be no peace in this world, without true justice and that will only come through advocating for those in need, speaking up for ourselves and not waiting for any super heroes. On the shoulders of giants we stand, those of our history who fought tooth and nail for justice to be realized – and that battle may be eternal, but this is the train I choose to be on. I owe it to those fighters, those protesters, those marchers, those non-violent agitators who highlighted what was wrong in this world. They fought for EVERYONE’s voice to count, for my voice to count as a woman, as a worker, as a student, as a granddaughter. I want to be a voice for those who feel like I did, alone and powerless. If a small percentage of people and corporations can buy elections, then where’s the power lie? STILL in the hands of the people. Still in the power of the vote and of citizen participation. If your vote doesn’t matter, then why do people try so hard to take it away? Why did people die for the right to have a voice in this country? If a small group of people start to stand up to power, the rest can feel justified and supported to stand up too. Apathy cannot live when there is an engaged citizenry, willing to do the work necessary to make democracy work for them. That’s what I’m doing. I want a system of public financing of elections in this country, in all states. If We the People own the elections, then the chosen representatives work for US. What they are supposed to do! By advocating for fair elections, I am attempting to make democracy work as a true representation of the human beings it is designed for.
inspired this update. So many things in mind, my dear friend Bill’s memorial was on Saturday. I hope he is flying around laughing at all of us for crying over his death. My grandmother is now walking faster than me – it’s been a long couple of years of recovery, but she’s 50 pounds lighter and has a smile on her heart. I’m almost finished with my thesis, something I never saw the end of in the middle of the Winter this year. I am loving. So many things and so many people. Feeling very good about the summer. It will be fruitful and musical, I plan on incorporating some magic up in the mix. Life and birth, death and re-birth. All around us.
anita lorraine moore 