Tomorrow it is my new birthday

I get to begin again

My ego has extinguished

As the girl who once was your friend

Tomorrow I start over

Tread on this world lighthearted

Relinquish my claim to inheritance

Of invasion, predation, where the pain started

Tomorrow I will step into myself

Glittering in the sun around my eyes

Moonbeams once pulsing through my fingers

Will abolish my souls’ historic cries

Tomorrow I honor my true beginnings

The steadfast, solid, the core

They held me, saved me, cradled a starving child

Tomorrow, I become me, Anita Moore.

Earle and Juanita Moore, better known as Maw Maw and Paw Paw to all of you. They helped me to be the resilient person I have been. I change my last name in their honor, and give myself permission to be loved and appreciated as the woman I have become.

The heart knows its journey

An unceasing search for love

An unwavering tether to a quest unending

Seems when it’s found, for me then I get lost

Don’t know what to do when the goings are good

When something feels so right, I doubt its rightness, there is no trust of self

I begin to see the flaws

I begin to feel there is carpet under my feet rather than solid ground

All I could count on was uncertainty

Perhaps the paradox is my sentencing

I feel yearning for fulfillment

Through unspoken understanding

Some may call it undeveloped emotional maturity

Yeah this is who I am

A child habitual reflex

response to daily perpetuation of unknown

This is why I search

Why I dig

Why I can’t stop learning

It’s a forever that gives me calm when none can be found

If I can explain it

I can understand it

I can rise above it

I can learn to live with the inevitable

Have you ever felt this way?

despite the joy you feel, there is a bottomless cup longing to be filled?

And there is never enough – or there hasn’t been yet…

I know for once, I am worthy

I feel at last I am deserving of love

Just as all the rest of you

Yet now, the puzzle is the remembering

“But you’ve come so far”

That divine voice came from somewhere in my depths

Perhaps it is the love for which I seek

I want to believe it’s within me not without.

There’s Jesus

We are born fearless, and named after our grandmothers

Then we are hushed, beaten and ashamed

We then built walls, taller than we will ever be

Beyond the clouds, those walls protect you and me

Then we grow up and learn to see

those walls which fortified us, keep us from being free

They’ve become a cage, we must find a way to escape

To get to the light Beyond our enclosed landscape

We inherit the strength and strife of our ancestors

Generations of oppressed children in cages

Self-built and outsourced

Yet, We blame ourselves for so much more

What if I told you it’s all OK?

What if you had permission to thrive?

What if in an instant, you tore down your walls?

What if you believe you could fly?

I’ve been beaten, assaulted, invaded, and invalidated and thrown

Boundaries a foreign concept, and now I’ve learned

That I have a right to one or two of my own

It is my time and time for you

The ripeness of this moment will free you

Like it has freed me, all you have to do is surrender to the sacred savior inside of you

That little girl who saved you

Who gave you the tools to save yourself

She is your higher power

She is your salvation

Treat her with respect and compassion

Cradle her when things become tough

She carried you, now you must carry her

She didn’t deserve her oppression

she didn’t ask for a beating

She called out for help and her mother never answered

She now has you, her protector

I knew a dual world

Two extremes of life

A cradling and an abandonment

A vision of everlasting love and a nightmare of neglect

A plethora of mentors and guides, a whole population of me – shaped limitations

A society meant to hold me down and also the privilege and the choice to rise above

I am finding my way back to the Looking Glass

A child of Neptune sternly placed among the ills of life

Too forcefully unsupported and left with your homemade guilt

There is true wisdom in my fantasies

Yet they were too early extinguished, and I am finding my way back now

You can also find yours.

The path to the box of liquid filled rainbows,

The visions lie beyond what we can see

The inspiration my little girl has left for me to be

She still has her key, it was hidden and is now bright

Shining by the light through the keyhole of the drawer she buried it out of sight.

The moon, she is out tonight

Smiling at all the stars

Venus is setting behind her

All the frogs chirp as if they know who you are

A neighbor out wandering the night

A singer who’s feeling all right

A cherished and colorful mist of all things

This life is a beautiful gift

From my hands, to heaven I lift

All the prayers of thanks and bounty, recognition of all who came before

Those who blindly led us to right now,

Those who died blind not knowing how

To open their eyes and see

All the magic now within me

Resilience that I’ve never known

Only mountains within me have shown

The strength that I thought I lacked

Where the moon, she Always had my back

When the love from the stars carry me home

And within me, a child, she has grown

Had a heartfelt affirmation discussion w/a dear friend last night about how w/in social identity, the layers of understanding are a never ending journey, never will there be a destination where you can stop. The more you learn, the more there is to learn. This article in my New Yorker mag last week is a prime example: