anitalorraine.com

Musician and Activist devoted to Justice, Creativity, and Courage


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Detachment, a new concept

One of the hardest things to do when you love someone, something or some situation, is to detach. I am learning how to do this.  With this practice, I pray to find harmony and peace.  “Detachment doesn’t mean withdrawal…” what a concept.  This also aligns with the recent poignant lesson of choosing a perspective of “abundance versus scarcity.”  Knowing everything is going to be alright, “promise”.  Trusting that.  Feeling that.  Being that.

Learning about codependency and developing mental health tools over the last year has transformed me into a little bit more of a cognitive being 😉  with more tools to deal with difficult moments.  I hope that my story is helpful for those who are searching for answers.  That’s why I keep sharing these lessons.  I’ve been given much positive feedback, as a survivor of sexual abuse and neglect, that my journey has given others’ darkness a place to be accepted, instead of a place to hide.  I hope that the creation of my music and the pursuit of this album will further that cause.  Love to you all, here is an article from elephant journal:

Many people have started to realize the damage that excessive attachment can do.

Most of us understand that detachment plays an imperative role in building a healthy and harmonious relationship with ourselves and with others. However, words are easier said than done. We long for detachment, but we might struggle to find the proper way to practice it.

Oftentimes, we have an idea about how to detach, but we put it aside, as we fear becoming aloof or apathetic.

As I always clarify, detachment is not about withdrawing. It simply means seeing things from a different perspective, while remaining fully involved. It’s about releasing our need for the object of attachment. We still give it our all, but without being entangled in fear and anxiety.

Consequently, detachment means more involvement, but without being attached to the outcome. It’s like stepping outside of who we are and seeing things objectively without the ego’s immersion.

That said, there are four essential notions we can practice in order to internally detach, yet remain engaged. With patience and willingness, we can break our attachment to whatever is keeping us trapped—be it a person, an object, an idea, or a situation.

1. Examine the reasons of your attachment. 

We frequently fail to detect the beginning of attachment. This is why it might be challenging to examine the reasons of our attachment, since we’ve overlooked its starting point. That said, if we observe our object of attachment and observe our minds, we can discern the roots of clinging.

What is it about our object of attachment that makes it desirable? If we’re attached to a person, what is this person giving us that’s making them unique? What is it in them that makes us afraid to lose them? Or maybe, is there something missing within us? If we’re attached to a situation or an idea, why can’t we let go of it? Does it give us a certain identity that we fear to lose? Do we deem ourselves nothing without it?

Realizing the reasons of our neediness is the first step toward eradicating the bigger part of our attachment. It doesn’t happen overnight—it might take days or weeks. Nonetheless, once we do, we can begin to solve the problem.

2. Observe your suffering. 

Strong attachment breeds suffering. We might not like to admit it or claim that our attachment doesn’t make us miserable, but it might be another trick of the ego, since the ego fears annihilation. However, we all wish deep inside to be liberated from our objects of attachments. So, step back and see yourself objectively. When we discern the suffering that stems from attachment, we solve the second part of the problem.

How do you become around your object of attachment? Do you become clingy or needy? Are you slowly developing fear of losing that person, object, or idea? Notice how your object of attachment keeps your mind busy, and observe the anxiety it breeds.

If you’re attached to a person, watch yourself—how you can’t sleep at night when they’re not around, or how you cling to them when you sense they’re becoming distant. If you’re attached to an idea, notice how you become defensive when someone opposes it.

3. Embrace impermanence. 

Solving the greater part of attachment lies in understanding impermanence. When we become attached, we become terrified of change. Change is a normal aspect of life. People evolve, hence, situations alter. Observe nature, and you will understand the growth I’m talking about.

If we’re attached to someone, we’re basically attached to the image we have of them in our minds. When they change or evolve, we fight to maintain the image we have of them. We, ourselves, also change by the day; therefore, our ideas and beliefs might change as well. Oftentimes, we become attached to particular dogmas, and we refuse to let them go—even when we feel they no longer serve us.

Embracing impermanence helps us break our attachment to known notions. When we understand that all is bound to dissipate (including the people to whom we are attached), we automatically detach. Instead of pressuring them or forcing them to not change, we appreciate their presence and who they are, and we avoid to take them for granted.

4. Focus on yourself. 

When we are attached, our thoughts and emotions focus solely on the object of our attachment. We give away our power to them. We behold them as something that we need, in order to strive or to become happy.

If we wish to make a healthy detachment, we should shift our focus from the object of attachment to ourselves. We can engage in activities and do things that strengthen the relationship with ourselves.

When we become our own greatest friend, the relationship we have with others and the universe flourishes. Instead of expecting people to fill our missing voids, we fill them ourselves and then share our completeness with them. We stop needing them, and we start choosing to want them.

 

Link to article is here: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/09/how-to-practice-the-art-of-detachment-in-4-steps/

 

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Fundraiser Starts Today!! Help me to make my first album!! 🎶💜💓💜🙏💜💓💜🎶

www.gofundme.com/anitalorrainemusic

Poem about the process and #SurrenderingtotheSacred continued from the last episode to catch yall up:

The Mystery Still

They used to call that old white lightning “moonshine” in these hills

How many lips of other those words or family ties it breaks and kills

Strawberry apple pie or dark cherry kinds

But I found a new flavor my fingers and heart longed to find

Paid heed to the unanswered questions I spent too much time tryin to answer

Somewhere down the line I met a spirit and she bade me to release her

She gave me the keys to an old wooden shed

Her hair was long and dark, she was only 3 and her granddad’s hair was red

She came from the deep, A dark despair trail of loneliness

She rows up from the ashes and held me through the hunger and distress

In that shed, she showed me the silver, the copper and the gold

She showed me the jewels inside me, once I thought I couldn’t hold

She said the way it worked was this,

“you fill it up here and it makes a little hiss,

What you put in it is who you’ve been

What comes out that mystery still is your destiny, my friend”

The mystery still, a belly full of unknown

Stands in that shed just waiting to be blown

Open side, all the ingredients are there

You

“You just gotta believe” she said, “in yourself, if you dare”

I’ll show you the way cause you couldn’t even see

No matter how hard you tried, that spirit… What will be will be

“and that’s the magic” she said to me

Of sacred mysteries that come from pain and grief

Do you know her name, down this path you must go

Of surrender and sorrow of joy you can know

This still don’t make moonshine, but the Moonglows here still

Upon deep waters, wet and a tear stained two dollar bill

The birds are all calling and cannot be boxed in

Your dreams are free and aloof just like the wind

Ask for them to come and to you they will find

Their way through the core, the ground, from the mines

The caves you dug a long time ago

We’re dug by the same shovel that now makes you grow

This girl she smiled, as I sat down in awe

Bowed my head in silence, in reverence; I had no flaws

Suddenly I was sacred when I drink from that still

I’d learn the hard way, then she screamed, her voice hard and shrill

“your mantle, your fireside, your magic, I live inside.

You must off and stoke the fire and feed me” she cried

You never are done, don’t think you’ve made it

Each day, remember to keep the right flame lit

Don’t let it go out, else you’ll have to start over

And axe to this still, and your spirit sinks lower

Out of reach, out of time, out of luck, out of rhymes

Just put back on your skates and roll outside all the lines

You’re still is your own,

Every seed you have soon

Weights and yearns for your return

Build another fire to burn

If you still don’t know what this still is about

Think of a soul, longing to get out

As in distill, intoxicate your beautiful self

With the mystery of what is, take it down off the shelf

You open a portal and let spirit in

You release your control over who it is you’ve been

That little girl who showed me the way

She’s a firestarter, pyromaniac it play

She can blow up some shit because she knows no better

But refined… She is genius and shakes her tail feather

The horizon cannot hold her, this child of God and Moore

She put in the time and said Grace for her store

This mystery still she’s found out how to use

Is a vertical prayer, open to gnosis and truth

I’m learning to use it, growing day by day

Excepting my feelings, no judgment, and a loving and kind away

As she hand me the keys and I return to make my shine

She lies back, relaxes and daydreams all the time

I long to filter out what I’ve been told versus what I know

My innermost yearnings, the balance, the flow

The gut, the tingles, the pangs and the blood is still warm

I’ll tell me the truth, like a pouring down storm

It’s like talking to God, From a sacred, me – shaped telephone booth

The mystery still takes me, shapes me, and provides me with the truth