Upon realizing that today is Monday and last week I decided that Sunday would be my big blog day, I decided to get right to it.  I have been recuperating from having my wisdom teeth removed and a slight complication of a nerve being exposed during surgery so now my mouth is STILL numb on one side, four days later… Nevertheless, I have been spending my wonderful free time relaxing at my grandmother’s house on pain medication, sleeping most of the time, eating and wiping drool off my face, and then sleeping s’more.  No Spanish practice, no work, not anything.  Today I thought I would go mad and then my thankfully my grandmother was also experiencing some cabin fever and she announced that we MUST get out of the house today.  And we did.  We went out joyriding, ate lunch out and then rode around to look at all the beautiful snow that everyone had been raging about for days.  The roads weren’t that bad so I decided to truck my happy ass back to Saxapahaw to be with my kitty friend, Pepita.  I missed my pals, but mostly I missed my Netflix to be honest, I missed Grace and Frankie.  I was recuperating without the internet and I thought I was going to lose my mind.  There is only so much journaling and reading and Instagramming one can do without going crazy.  Today I looked forward to going home and answering this long “get to know yourself” questionnaire.  In my therapy session last week, exploring titles and understanding myself is something I was tasked to do.  I was also tasked with watching a video about female masturbation.  Haven’t done that yet. I may not tell you when I do…

So here goes the questionnaire: (http://dragosroua.com/33-questions-for-an-interview-with-yourself/#.WHRCUxSOq0G)

33 Questions For An Interview With Yourself

1. What Do You Do For A Living?

I work for Democracy Matters; I’m the national organizing field director.  I also wait tables and play music professionally.  These are all the things that put food on the table.

2. Who Do You Love?

If this question is directed at a romantic love, right now I should say that I love Peter.  Even after all that we’ve gone through and now have broken up, I love Peter.  I’m not in love with him, but I do have love for him.  That said, I am falling in love with Me.  I’ve done some things just this past week that I am proud of and pretty soon I’ll be learning more that I love about myself (if I watch that video..).

3. Do You Have Enough Money?

Right now, no.  There are some bills that I would like to pay off and not worry about whether or not I can still live in this house I am renting.  Student loans, car, insurance (health and car), electricity, internet, groceries, gas… This is actually the reason why I started making the decision to go to law school.  My current job is amazing and I love what I do, but I don’t think I make enough money to ever be able to pay off my student loans and build a house/farm/family.  I do want those things.  I also want to kick some ass in the political realm, law school would definitely scoot me toward that goal.

4. Are You Healthy?

Yes, now.  I eat extremely well, take good care of my body, and I am very aware of how much I consume.  I have about 4-5 drinks a week, exercise 5-6 days a week, I try to walk every day.  I keep my mind healthy by keeping a tidy home and catching up with my sleep nightly. I love my curves, but I want to fit into some of my pants better! Enjoying going to the gym lately with a gym partner, feels so good!

5. Do You Think You Are a Good Person?

I wonder if there is such a thing.  We all do things that we regret.  We all hurt people’s feelings whether we want to or not.  I think I am a good person.  I would trust my word.  You’re as good as your word and that’s the bottom line for me.  There’s much to say here, but in terms of the shitty life circumstances I’ve been presented with, with some help, I will say that I came out okay.  I came out a strong, talented and good person.  I hope 😉

6. How Old Are You?

I feel like I’m 33 almost 34, but really I feel much younger that that.  In terms of “where I should be in life by now” and where many of my peers are at this age…. it could be perceived that I am lagging behind.  I have no kids, no spouse, no house, no boyfriend even.  I’ve been asked by my family if I’m ever going to “settle down and find a man and have some kids…” I shake my head at this.  Truly, I would love to be old as hell.  Old like the old lady at the end of the street who feeds 100s of cats and still has tons of boyfriends she goes out with.  Old like the old woman who can say whatever the hell she wants because she can and it doesn’t matter anymore.  Old in the way where you can just hear the nonsense that some young whipper-snapper has said and all you have to do is shake your head knowingly…and then whap them upside their head.

7. Who’s Your Best Friend?

I have a few.  Becky Miller.  Jill Boogie.  Lindsey Smith.  I met Becky as I was getting to know her on a porch, she was about to be my new roommate.  That worked out well.  I met Jill in a naked virgin race.  She won.  I met Lindsey dancing around a fire in Buncombe county.  We now have tattoos of that night.

8. What’s Your Childhood Dream?

My childhood dream was to fly.  I had repeat dreams of me flying over deep chasms in the earth.  I could fly away from whatever was happening down here on old earth and just be up there in the clouds.  I have flown several times in my life, I do love it.  I love to travel and get above the clouds.  I jumped out of an airplane too, skydiving, and laughed like a loon the whole way down.  My dream now is to get grounded.  To get into the comfort of my own skin and not have to fly away.

9. How Often Do You Laugh?

I laugh every day.  At least once.  Sometimes I laugh at myself.  That’s not often.  I laugh at my cat because she is with me most of the time.  I laugh at the funny things she does.

10. What Makes You Smile?

  1. Sunsets and Sunrises
  2. The Moon
  3. Ice crunching under my boots
  4. Candles and flowers
  5. Hiking
  6. Driving like a badass in snow with 4wd
  7. Fresh eggs
  8. Having coffee with my friends early in the morning
  9. Sledding and playing in the Snow
  10. Dancing to Music by myself

11. Who’s Your Most Dangerous Enemy?

Donald Trump.  Isn’t he everyone’s at this point? Even his own? No seriously.  OUR most dangerous enemy is complacency.  We cannot be complacent about this man, his cabinet, or the corrupt system/rampant racism/sexism that got him to where he is right now.

12. Where Do You Live?

I live in Saxapahaw.  I rent a house here.  It’s a small, old mill house.  I love it.  The only thing I don’t like about it is that the driveway SUCKS and I’m afraid someone is going to roll their car going in or out of it.  I feel at home here, I am still trying to figure out how I’m going to pay for this place when the Summer comes… Originally it was supposed to be a place where Peter and I lived together.  That was because I was unhappy living on Beech Mountain, less to do with Beech Mountain though than to do with our unhappy relationship.  It probably wouldn’t have mattered where we lived, if we weren’t going to be able to get through our problems in one place, probably not going to get through them in another..  I am glad we realized this and still care for each other in the reality of our circumstances.  Home is a very special place to me, it’s the place to come home to.  I have two homes really.  This house is one of them, but also my grandparents’ house is the other.  I grew up in that home mostly.  I feel like it’s the closest thing I have to a homestead.  I still go there and take care of that house, take care of my grandparents, because they are so special to me.  But boy do I love Saxapahaw.  I love this little community, this little tiny village.  All romanticism aside, I hope to find love here and stay here and I hope that the world doesn’t burn down before that happens.

13. Do You Think You’re Strong?

Yes.  Horrendously so.  The stories this life could tell, which I don’t have enough time to type, would fill pages of why I’m so damned strong.  I’ve stood up for the right things for a very long time.  Strong to me means doing just that.  Standing up against all odds and doing the right thing.  Whether it’s protecting the weak or speaking truth to oppression.  Flex your muscles baby, strength comes from the battles, not the victories.  I’ve only recently been told that I was strong, never really thought about it before, but I am.  I’m eagerly accepting it and waking up to a new moment in my life.

OK – that’s 13 out of 33.  I’m not typing anymore tonight.  I might fill this out more tomorrow.  Maybe next week.  Right now, I’m going to turn on Grace and Frankie and eat s’more soft foods.  I’m guessing that’s going to continue until I get feeling back in my jaw.  Pudding does not suck.  Thanks to my dear Kimberly for putting that on my radar.

Love, Anita