anitalorrainemoore

Today it has been one whole year since the birthing of this musical dedication phase of my life… after praying for guidance, this path was revealed.

❤ Thank you to everyone who has believed in my voice, music, and story. I began recording my album #SurrenderingToTheSacred

😛 We’re going step by step, working one moment at a time. Please help with recording costs, my dearest ones. I can’t do it without you.

❤ Link to fundraiser: (please share!) gofundme.com/anitalorrainemooresacredalbumrecording

Quote: “We’re not shooting for perfection.” – Mark Simonsen (The man who’s now helping me record my album.) Words really matter to me. Those words gave me so much comfort on my first day,two weeks ago, surprisingly recording the first song on the album, Surrendering To The Sacred, my Changin’ Time Blues. I wrote that song for Ransom Hobbes, a man who was instrumental in my songwriting and whose memory I cherish and honor.

Song: “Dirt and Stardust” – Heather Maloney ~ Blessings times two this past week when I got to see her play live twice! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnsbmw1ybT8

Dedication: This week, the newsletter is dedicated to my grandparents who, after I smashed the two middle fingers on my left hand yesterday, brought me a biscuit and ate breakfast with me just to “make sure you’re gonna be alright.” Maw Maw and Paw Paw… I love them. When asked why Paw Paw sits next to Maw Maw in all restaurant situations, he responds, “Well if I don’t sit next to her, somebody will!”

Dear Humans,

Last week was truly too busy for me to write and I have had two weeks of lovely chaos, opportunity, healing and realizations, work and more time incorporating music into my life. I got to see one of my oldest besties *surprise* last week, found some of my old art, played for birthday parties and saw another dear friend from college perform in the Vagina Monologues. Unfortunate news, I lost my brown, wool pheasant feather hat 😦 Bigger and better news: I started recording my album! 🙂

Upon being invited to record my songs in his studio, months and months later, I reached out to Mark and made a plan to learn more. We sat down for a “consultation” to discuss the project. I’d been riddled with migraines the two days previous and felt nervous and unsure as we began to discuss together. After laying out my vision of concept, production style, feel, sound, and passionate story, it became clear that this is going to be a beautiful album. The concept is powerful and redemptive; Mark dug it. I began to get excited, even jittery. Mark then asks, “So you want to record a song now?” *crickets* “……..Now?…… *wide eyed and deep breath*……Sure.”

So it has begun.

The concept is simply resilience. I want to share with anyone who needs to hear it, that even against shitty odds like childhood sexual abuse, abandonment, perpetual fear and insecurity, one can emerge beautiful, polished, poised, and confident – for as Kahlil Gibran so beautifully puts it “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?” Do we not become stronger through sorrow, if we open our hearts to the lessons (secret blessings) it etches into our hearts? If we are somehow privileged enough to have had someone who believes in us, even if it is only one person? Even if only in the eyes of the gods, “the old and the new”. I truly believe we do, as I am happier and contain more confidence now, through acceptance of what is and choosing to change my perceptions. All because I have the right to believe in myself. I have the voice to sing and the resilience to use my sorrow to rejoice.

This upcoming week and last week, I have been sending out thank yous to everyone who helped me financially to use last Summer to get all the songs on the album prepared for recording. In light of the costs of recording and production, I’ll be creating a crowd-sourcing fundraiser to help with this new phase. From the deepest places within me, I am grateful for the encouragement received for this project. For so long, I looked outside to find validation and from that believed in myself based on others’ opinions. At this point, I have begun to recognize my talents and to pursue the dreams of sharing them, unabashedly and humbly asking for everyone’s support. For that I say, “Thank you All.”

Also: 1. Definitely having surgery on my ankle. Orthoscopic. 2. Next week I take a group of my Democracy Matters students to lobby in Raleigh for pro-democracy reform in NC. 3. On the full moon, I intend to stop drinking again. 4. A new guitar has found her way to me. A beautiful semi-hollow body acoustic-electric. Thank you Michelle for introducing us. 5. Bruce and I are now working on some demos and booking gigs for the Summer. If you want us to play for you, HOLLA! Anitalorrainemusic@gmail.com 6. Game of Thrones comes back on Sunday, don’t holla at me Sunday. 😉

#LivingQueryOfTheWeek – Are you as stoked about Game of Thrones as I am? OMGODDESSESSSSS

Upcoming Shows:

April 21st: Common Life Farm and Church Easter service: https://www.facebook.com/events/1667166550096658/?ti=ia

May 18,19 – Glendonfest https://www.facebook.com/events/1838805276223957/?event_time_id=1838832992887852?ti=ia Sunday, 12:15-12:45pm

May 28th – Lucky 32 in Greensboro, evening show with Crystal Bright

TBA – Leveneleven in Greensboro – working out details

TBA – Hot Tin Roof – ” ”

July 27th – STARworks in Star NC with Pete Pawsey

This week in pictures:

The newest member of the family: I don’t have a name for her yet. Snazzy pants? Maw Maw and Paw Paw, giggling at one of our local haunts, Skids on N. Church St, Burlington, NC. The ankle, all that white stuff isn’t supposed to be there… Playin in the backyard barn party! Robo, Bruce, and Bill!Banjo hammocking! Learning the song “Sweet City Woman” for the one hit wonders show coming up.Bruce and I, in our weird element, with our badass glasses pairs. Ready for action. Duh!A beautiful morning setting with one of my foraged Spring bouquets, pears, candle, a rose, some different salt options and a tiny pine cone. Journal entry about Jamaica from 2009-10ish. A drawing based on a French wine ad.Another drawing based on sacred femininity, eternity, electricity, grounding and Goddess parts. From 2012ish. Those are my ankles and my red pajamas, left ankle wrapped for support.. That ankle’s been giving me trouble for a while!Pepita in the sun with her friend, Cornelius. Feetz and ze creek.Shadow, I always think of Peter Pan’s shadow…Little violets and feetz- grounding walking barefoot whenever I can.Moon, silos, and cow. Mooo.

A Poem Journey for my Bear Clan:

Foggy, Southern Appalachian mountain top

Jasper, 1st gear

February lightning

Rolling Thunder drive

Pouring down rain

Cold

Horses in twilight

Blue barns, old, steady and true

Left on Cut Off road

“Looks like it could be a state line…”

Going out for ice cream and cigarettes

Coulda swore I saw a ghost

Run across the dirt road

lightning lit up the ditches

Up on Talc Mine, going real slow

Up and up, around and down I go

Mimosa Hill, Hawthorne Drive

Ruts in the road make for a bumpy ride

Warm asphalt hisses warm, grey vapors of smoke

Right now and for weeks, with grace

My inner voice has been replaced

By a relentless and blissful singer

If I fall for a tune,

I’m hook, line, and sinker

She sings and sings, on into the blue

Love is the Law and Temporary Tattoo

Black Crow and all Joni’s road songs,

oh how she sings of you.

My sweet song bird, she sings:

“Make adventure from everything you do

Then nothing’s a chore

All has a joyful hue

The smell of rain makes me smile

And You know I’d drive more than a country mile…

To get ice cream and cigarettes for You.”

Dedication: Those who’ve lost someone this past week. Several of my friends have lost loved ones (furry and human) this week and I send this to them with love.

Dear Humans,

Pepita is sitting in my lap today as I write. There is much to say, yet where to start escapes me… My road trip was amazing. It was a much needed and wonderful escape from Alamance County and excuse to explore, I will always oblige. I left here and went to Jasper, Georgia. Left there and went to Florence, Alabama. Left there and went to Little Rock, Arkansas. Left there and went to Chattanooga, Tennessee. Left there and went back home to Saxapahaw.

“Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life.” I read that on a magnet somewhere… I am so blessed to have so many supportive, creative, driven, and talented friends in this world. It is an honor to be in the company of them. Timmi and Bea Bea and Little Gwennie Bear, Charles, Bryan, Joel, Emily and Meg. Time and distance have kept me from these folks, yet both time and distance make for sweet, sweet reunions. I already look forward to next time.

Onward!

Yesterday, I didn’t finish my newsletter because there was so much to do! Returned Sunday night, saw the Spectacles and the Tim Smith band play at the Station by surprise. Prepped and taught class on Monday. Tuesday had therapy (hella intense this week), caught up with Democracy Matters work and taught a lobbying workshop for two schools in Greensboro. That went really well and I left feeling accomplished and excited for my students’ experience and our upcoming lobbying in Raleigh in a few weeks. Today was sort of a catch up day as well, writing this newsletter, catching up with a few folks, then went to Al-Anon. Today, Al-Anon won. I left realizing many things including a re-acknowledgment of the vast amounts of healing I am still working through. Affirmed that I have come a long way in this journey, yet further there is still to go. Patterns have begun to emerge in my realizations and one is the pursuit of unavailability. The reasons for this are immersed in my childhood and damnit, I’m so tired of keeping on finding out about how my childhood made me into the person I am today when I fuck up (or feel fucked up…). Childhood sexual abuse and abandonment have led to some serious patterns of behavior including the pursuit of things/people that/who aren’t attainable and feeling to intrinsically unaware of who I am without the context of how someone else feels about me… People in Al-Anon today spoke of this experience and all I could do was sit there, brimming with tears, amazed at how much I related to them, mourning the child I was never allowed to be. Mourning the girl who has always been responsible and reliable, so much so that imperfection is not an option and holding everyone else to a lower standard while still being disappointed they can’t be perfect… What a perfectly bewildering cycle.

So today, on the first day of Spring, it is a privilege to look back over the last yearly cycle to see how patterns emerge. Here’s to hoping that learning can come from the review. A while back, I may or may not have mentioned this, but I made a pact to myself to no longer going to chase any human. My biggest pitfalls, romantically, have been losing myself, my boundaries, not ever having a sense of wholeness and failing to stand up straight in my own shoes – codependency emerges. All this is to say, fear, it crept inside and showed me reminders of who I used to be and who I am becoming. Parts of this picture are bright and full of potential. Some parts are shadowy and create depth beyond the apparent dimension. I like to compare my experiences to the Loch Ness where Nessie is said to live… There’s a mythical creature living in there, you may never see, but she scares the living daylights out of you and you never know when she’ll rear her head until suddenly, she’s under your boat, Moby Dick style, letting you know, under no uncertain terms she IS still there, still WANTS to be in charge, and could drown you in the murky depths of the sea.

So, upon realizing today how grateful I am for the steps taken to occupy this space, right here right now, I am also beginning to know that I cannot date until I feel ready and whole in my own Self. My priorities are 1. Swimming with Nessie and letting her show me the darkness, so that I may emerge shimmering. 2. Building a solid foundational understanding of who I am, what I need, what I want, what I will not tolerate, what I want to accomplish, where I want to improve and which direction I want to grow. 3. Publishing Anita Kinney’s poetry “Who I Used To Be” and recording the album #SurrenderingToTheSacred ~ Last but certainly not least, 4. Healing this ankle and hiking as much as I can barefoot and connecting to this Earth in a meaningful and spiritually fulfilling way, without pain.

Well… that was intense and vague as hell. This blog is therapy for me – I’m glad I have this outlet as an option along with journaling, tarot, ritual, poetry, and sleep.

Upcoming Shows:

March 31st – private bday party with Crystal Bright

May 18,19 – Glendonfest Location, time TBA

May 28th – Lucky 32 in Greensboro, evening show with Crystal Bright

TBA – Leveneleven in Greensboro – working out details

TBA – Hot Tin Roof – ” ”

July 27th – STARworks in Star NC with Pete Pawsey

Pictures!